Can you truly reinvent your career and redefine success while raising a family? Jen McDonald says yes. Carrie Fogliani sits down with her first non-lawyer guest, a Southern California real estate agent with Compass, to share her experiences and insights as a working mom. Jen explains why it is never too late to make a career pivot and build a business of your own, as long as it is grounded in your values and passions. She also discusses how to unlock your own power by setting the right boundaries, getting rid of a people-pleasing mindset, and learning to say no. Discover how to step into the next chapter of your life as a mother and a career woman.
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Redefining What It Means To Be A Working Mom With Jen McDonald
If you’re a working mom who’s ever wondered whether it’s possible to pivot, rebuild, or completely reinvent yourself while raising a family, this episode is for you. My guest is Jen McDonald, a Southern California Real Estate Agent with Compass, whose story is all about reinvention, resilience, and redefining success on your own terms.
Before launching her real estate career, Jen spent years helping moms feel more confident in their skin and in their style as a personal stylist, including to yours truly, and now she brings that same eye for design, empathy, and relationship building into helping families find homes that truly fit their lives. In this episode, we talk about what it means to evolve as a working mom, to build a business around your values, and to show your kids that it’s never too late to chase a new dream.
When I first reunited with you, so this was when we were in our 30s and I was in my late 30s, I had just had my second child. A defining moment for me, after I moved away from where we grew up and I was really in the thick of accepting that I was creating a life far from my family, where I didn’t know the schools, the places, the any of the things to really do this right, and I really didn’t feel like it was my home.
I remember very clearly the way the sun was hitting us as we were in the classroom of our little two-and-a-half-year-olds. I am down messing with my son, trying to acclimate him and address his separation anxiety. Out of nowhere, I hear, “Carrie.” I look up, and it’s you. We both start crying. That was the first time that I ever felt like home in this place. I just have really enjoyed your journey. Full disclosure, this is our first non-lawyer.
I am honored to be asked to do this.
How Jen Pursued A Big Career Leap In The Middle Of Her Life
You’re making an appearance because your story is super special. I’m really excited for our readers to learn from you and about you. I just want to start because at some point, there was a whisper. I’d love to hear more about what led you to listening to the whisper to pivot, because you’d done a lot of different things before. Maybe start off where you started, maybe even after college or where you explored professionally and how you decided to pursue something so big in the middle of your life really.
Thank you for having me. It’s an honor to be here as the first non-lawyer. You guys are all real smart people, so I am very honored to be here. I finished school at Chapman and I went ahead and then at that point, I moved, met a friend and who actually I’m still friends with now, Theresa Holista. She and I moved in together on Balboa Island. That’s how I found my way down to Orange County.
Anyways, long story short, I end, my first job was at MacGillivray Freeman Films, which is an IMAX company. I worked there in marketing and PR. I had a really tough boss, but I do think that because she was so tough, it built a lot of character in me and a lot of just don’t give up and keep pushing. I don’t need to go way back, but childhood, I came from parents of divorce, and that was tough going back and forth between homes and just becoming more independent at a much younger age than I had hoped for.
Anyways, then after MacGillivray Freeman Films, while I was there, a couple friends and I decided to get teaching credentials. I actually quit that job, much to my dad’s chagrin, because I had a very stable job. I left that. I went to UCI, got my teaching credential, and I taught for about six years in fourth and fifth grade. In the process of that, I met my husband Mike, who I’m still married to and we had a family, and at that time, I decided to stay home. That was in 2006.
My husband’s in mortgages and 2007, as we all know, into 2008 was a really terrible time. For lack of a better term, we hit the skids. It was really a tough time in our marriage and in just raising a young family. I also was pregnant with my second child. His job fell apart doing mortgages. He was at Countrywide, and as we all know, Countrywide fell to the wayside. He went back into finance, and then we went to LA for a bit, wasn’t a fit, came back to Orange County, and that’s when I started the next company because we just had to make ends meet. It was just a really hard time having two little kids, and so I started a company called Green Gear.
I did not know about this.
This was a baby furniture resale company. Basically, if you had a crib you weren’t using anymore and it was very lightly used. This was obviously before Facebook Marketplace.
You’re like at the grassroots level here.
All these things. Another friend of mine, Melinda, had started a recyclable kids’ clothing line.
I remember that. I used to shop there all the time.
She’s an incredible stylist now, but she had started that, and I did the furniture side of it. I was living in Irvine at the time and in reality, though, the storage of those types of things, my garage, I had like cribs and bassinets and then I had dressers, I had some rocking chairs, and then to transport them too. It was a really great idea in theory, but the cost-efficiency of it was terrible. To get them to someone’s house or someone had to come pick them up and then you’d have to deduct on the price. You’re not making any money. The thing is I think for me, after my kids were a little bit older, I felt like I just needed to be doing something. That’s the way I’ve always been in my life, whether it’s something that’s making money, which is obviously the point.
I think at that time with the time I was given and also staying home with my kids and I never had childcare, I never had a nanny, I never did any of that. The kids went to great schools and stuff, but I never had any help. It was still a real struggle. Times were tight between the two kids, and hence why there is a bit of a pause between my middle and my third because we just couldn’t afford to have a baby at the time. We ended up back in Costa Mesa and that’s when I slowly transferred over to styling with younger moms that didn’t have the time to shop, and I loved that job. It was really a lot of fun.
I loved you in that job. I’ve never been so happy getting dressed as when you were doing that job. I appreciate where you are now and we’ll get there, but it’s not without a little resentment.
I miss it. To be honest, if it made me more money, I probably would have stuck with it. At the time, it just we still weren’t getting to that point where it felt comfortable month to month. I think the thing is that I’ve always found that I listen to what the people that know me the best tell me to do. I think sometimes people don’t, they say, “I got it figured out, I know myself the best.”
I do in some ways, but also, like what you said at the beginning of this episode, I know that about myself, but to hear it from someone else, it just reminds you of who you are and what you’re good at. I think as far as the even teaching, I’d always heard that I’d be a great teacher. I went into teaching and I loved it. With the styling, the furniture business, that was just totally a random. That was a good one.
To hear your strengths from someone else serves as a reminder of who you are and what you are good at. Share on XThe styling, I just always got compliments on what I wore and people just would say, “You dress really well, you have a great eye for fashion,” and it just came naturally to me. I listened to that. I, again, though, felt like I needed to do a bit more, so I ended up at Bardot, which was a little clothing shop. It was next to Susie Cakes. I worked with Dana, the owner, she was incredible, and I worked there quite a bit and got to meet a lot of women through that job, and then also did styling for them. Small world, a couple of those women now have become real estate clients of mine. We hit it off so well, and so that’s a full-circle moment.
To be honest, and as far as real estate goes, Mike, my husband, obviously he’s in lending and he had always said, “I think you’d be a really good real estate agent.” My very good friend Anna, who knows me. She’s very direct. She does not mince words, and she means it so kindly, but she had always said to me, “I think you’d be a really good real estate agent.”
She had done a lot of real estate transactions and she just obviously had dealt with a lot of realtors. It’s interesting how just everything falls into place. In the meantime, Annie, who I work with now, our kids went to school together at St. Joachim and she had asked me to help her a couple times with styling. Through that conversation one day, I brought it up to her. I was like, “Mike had mentioned to me maybe I should look into being a real estate agent.” She said, “If you got into it, I would hire you in a second.”
That was a really big moment, a really big vote of confidence coming from her. She’d been doing it for so long. She’s like a legend. She’s really good at what she does. That was my sign, and I said, “Okay, I’ll do it.” I went and started studying and passed my test. I called her and she said, “You’re on the team.” that’s how I started.
I want to go back and zone in on because you list out, “I just went and got my test and did all those things.” just so everyone understands what that entails, what time, studying, all of that, and you were a mom. Your kids are how old at this point?
That was in 2018. They were 6, 10 and 11.
They were little.
Sorry, Dana, if you’re reading. I would study when I was at Bardot. It was slow. I brought my real estate books and would study on the little desk. That’s the other thing too. I think so many people think real estate is easy. I’m not saving lives. I’m not a lawyer or a doctor, but it was a hard test for me and it was a lot of stuff. It was a total shift from anything I’ve ever known. You have to also study like an offshoot of just basic California real estate. It’s like real estate law, which was what I chose. You have a test on that as well and you have to qualify through all these tests to then take the actual state test.
Yeah, it’s a lot of work.
It was a lot of work, it was a lot of time and I was trying to be optimistic about it, but it just felt so large in front of me. How many realtors do we all know? I’m like, “How am I ever going to break into this business?”
That’s the other part of this. You’re coming in new.
Brand new. Green as green could be.
You can’t get greener, especially for your business. What was it called?
Green Gear.
We’re greener than Green Gear at this point.
It’s incredible.
Of course, having a mentor and someone to believe in you that, quite honestly, I’ve been in the same position even with my business partner has no reason to believe in you, but they see something. What do you think she saw?
Looking back now and knowing what it takes to be successful in this business, I think she saw my kindness. I’m witty. I can talk to almost anyone in a room, I mean really anyone. I’m also savvy. I have a fair amount of confidence. I’m not the most confident person in the room, but I’m not lacking self-confidence. I think those things combined and I think we really liked each other.
Obviously, we’ve both known her husband and we grew up with that family. They also know my husband, Mike. JD, Annie’s husband, knew Mike growing up. There was just there was a lot of assurance in that way for people to know that she knew my kids, she knew my life. I think when I reached out to her, she was almost like, “I would be a fool not to have you on the team.”
I think just me being me is what got me my foot in the door. I wasn’t trying to be anybody else. I was really honest with her. I remember she asked me when we first met for the first time over coffee about possibly doing this, before I even got my license. She’s like, “What’s one thing that you really want? What is one thing that a goal that you would like to accomplish outside of just making money?”
I said, “I’d love to be able to take my family to Hawaii,” because we’ve we hadn’t gone anywhere. We couldn’t afford it. I did that, I think, a year and a half after I started or two years, we took everyone to Hawaii. It was just those little things, and I think she knew that 90% of this job is grit and just hustle. I think through all these jobs that I’ve had, she knew and I knew in myself that I have a lot of grit and hustle.
How Jen Became Independent At A Young Age
Going back, not too far back, but I do think it’s important to go back to your childhood experience, quite honestly. I know you’ve shared about this before, being the child of divorced parents, gaining that independence, gaining that grit, quite honestly, sooner than a lot of us did where at the time it might have seemed a disadvantage. Looking back, not that you’re writing any thank you notes, but how do you evaluate that as a factor into your success at all?
I think it’s a definitely a part of my success. I think a lot of it is seeing what my mom went through. My mom and my dad divorced when I was eight. They had been married for sixteen years, and it came out of left field a bit. My mom didn’t have a job. She didn’t finish college. She lived as a stay-at-home mom, and my dad was successful and she lived a very nice life. I think she just never thought that the rug could be pulled out from underneath her.
When they divorced, they sold the house. We had this big huge beautiful home over the Rose Bowl. The house was sold and we moved into this smaller apartment and she had to go back to school and get a job. The divorce was fair financially, but it wasn’t going to sustain her forever. She ended up becoming a court reporter. I think it took her twelve years when normally I think it takes about two. I think for her and seeing that day in and day out, it wasn’t always pretty.
I love my mom and she did her absolute best, but she was under a lot of pressure and stress. I think seeing that it, I don’t want to say learned my lesson, though, because I did what she did. I got married and I left my teaching job. I stayed at home with my kids because that’s what I always wanted to do. Who knew 2007, 2008 was going to happen? It was almost similar to what my mom went through but I got to stay married.
I still had some an income coming in. Seeing her struggle, I learned from that, that I don’t want to be and I love my mom and I don’t want this to come out for really, but I don’t want to be bitter. I think the bitterness started to wear off on I started to feel a little bit bitter and I knew something really had to shift. Styling wasn’t going to cut it. Either I was going to be bitter and in a bad mood all the time, a lot of the time and maybe really bitter and resentful towards my husband or I needed to do it myself. That’s why I knew this was it.
It’s amazing because whatever whispered into you, going back, I think it’s so fascinating that it was an external resource in in Mike and in Anna to really encourage you to even ask any of that question in the middle of a styling session. It’s it reminds me of that all roads lead you to where you’re supposed to be. Whether you believe in the universal power of that or not, but I feel all these roads culminated for you and gave you what you needed to push forward.
I feel if I would have tried to do this ten years ago, it wouldn’t have had the same result. I wouldn’t have had as much time because the kids would have been younger. I don’t know. I agree with you 100%. In any part of my life, whether it was where I’m living, where I who I married all of it. Friends I have, friends I don’t have, things like that. I think everything happens for a reason. I think you’re in a room to be there on purpose. I have to believe that because I don’t know how else you explain a lot of these things that happen.
Coming In Late Into The Real Estate Game
It’s crazy. I do I am curious because this is a big industry. It is demanding. It’s a little unforgiving. E the legal world is cutthroat, but in a very different way and I’ve been you can navigate it a little bit differently and still be successful. I feel real estate, my impression and I’d love you to share, coming in late, probably dispelling of your Imposter Syndrome and going for it, what did that take? How were you able to do that?
I would say just really believing in in me and knowing who I am. I think that each year, you get older. You’re not trying to be somebody you think you should be, you’re just who you are. I think that people in real estate transactions, the buyer or the seller, the people that want to work with me and that I want to work with, there’s a balance between being a confidant and someone they can call at 11:30 at night or cry on the phone because it is a very emotional process. You’re dealing with really your largest asset, the largest amount of money being transferred between parties, stress, moving. Annie’s said it a million times and I say it too. One of the top five most stressful things you’ll ever do in your life is sell or buy real estate.
People in real estate transactions must learn the balance between being a confidant and being someone you can call to cry on the phone. Share on XFor me and the way that I am, I am a hand-holder but also, I can negotiate really well. I’m fair. I always say I’m respectfully aggressive. I never go below the belt and if I feel I’m getting there, I just kindly get off the phone or excuse myself because people can be real jerks in this business. It’s hard. There’s a handful of days I’ve said, “I don’t know if I can do this,” just because it’s so difficult and you have clients literally crying on the phone or upset with you about something it’s not perfect, then they’re corrected and they realize, “I’m sorry, my emotions got the better of me,” but you are a sounding board for a lot of stuff.
My other question is were there days when you’re standing after having a crappy call, “I made a mistake, this is actually not my calling, this cannot be for me.” How do you talk yourself back into I I’m still here to help, I’m still here to grow? All those conversations.
I’m a big journaler. I journal a lot. You can go to other people, I’ve obviously called Annie, I talk to Mike a lot when I’m really feeling frustrated or friends or whoever. At the end of the day, it’s up to me to make the decision to move on and pick myself back up and say, “Let’s just keep moving forward,” and look at the job for all the good that it can do.
Journaling is huge, going for a walk. I hired a coach, Angi Wisdom, who is incredible. That would probably be one of my biggest tips. I don’t know if you’re going to get to that. I remember when I started making some money in this, Mike said, “Now that we had paid some bills and felt a little more confident, I think you need to reinvest the money back into your business.”
He’s like, “They always say to invest maybe 20% of your own back into your own business,” and so I did. I hired Angi and she was incredible. I worked with her for over a year, maybe a year and a half. She really laid down the journaling and the things that you need to do in order to sustain your sanity in this type of a business. I think that was a huge reason why I stayed in this job. I really like it. You got to figure it out as you get older, but I think you can tell pretty quickly if you like your job or not. If you’re in it for the right reasons, you have that little voice telling you whether it’s a good fit or not.
It’s not going to be fun all the time. That’s the other reality. It’s still a job. They don’t call it a vacation.
Even if you love it, it’s still going to be something that has its moments and many moments of challenge. I do get up most days and I’m really excited to do what I do. Even if it’s with a difficult client or a difficult sale or difficult agent, which is I’d say 90% of the challenge in this job. The clients are incredible, vendors, everyone’s so amazing. Sometimes the agents can be the most respectful especially and I will say to women, it is interesting. Being a woman working in this industry at times. It’s a bit of a man’s world.
Balancing Motherhood And A Professional Career
In line with that, being a mom. When you had your styling business, even in your Green Gear business, you had control over your schedule. You could do it during school hours.
School hours and not interfere with family time. No weekends.
I think this decision launched you into figuring out a different way for yourself and your family. How did you do that with children?
I think a partner is a huge part of that equation, someone that is willing to take on the responsibility of what that entails. Older kids helped. I don’t know if they helped or hurt actually, because little kids don’t really know the difference, but then you’re missing a lot of firsts and things that. Older kids, you want to be around more but they’re also more independent. I don’t think there’s ever a perfect time to work family time.
I think a partner is a huge part of that. Mike was very supportive of what I was doing but that’s not to say that there’s been definitely days where, “I’m sick of your job, I hate your job. I wish you didn’t have to leave.” Fletcher is on this, God willing, terrible soccer team this year. It’s really bad. We all know it, but he does it and he because he loves it and he’s the first one to admit. They won their first game the entire season and I missed it. Those are the moments, it still happens, but you just got to say like, “It’s okay. I can’t see the future, I didn’t know that was going to happen and Mike was there.”
It’s okay, but honestly, part of me thinks that’s fine because you want your mom there when it sucks more than you want her there when you’re celebrating. It’s all about how you sell it in some ways with your kids and their feedback on whether you’re there or not. You can’t be at everything. Some other people might have been getting their hair done on a Saturday instead of working and they still would have missed the win. That feedback is an extra layer of your experience that a lot of the men that you’re up against probably in these real estate deals has no idea what you’re experiencing. It has an emotional impact probably on the way you enter this space.
People that want that emotional aspect want to work with me. People that don’t and just want the transaction and maybe they’ll still want to work with me because I’m good at what I do, but also, they don’t need it. I think I can pretty quickly tell if a buyer or seller needs the hand-holding or is just in to make a deal and get out. Obviously, I’ll work with both, but I think the ones that look for the care and the concern appreciate it that much more.
I think bringing the empathy in, it is a differentiator in any business, but I can definitely know. Thankfully, I’ve only done one real estate transaction without you and that was a family transaction so it was different. I can tell you, just because I am busy and I am stressed, it was to deliver that, have someone take care of me because nobody really takes care of the mom. Even in a real estate transaction, I knew I didn’t need to worry about that because I was being cared for. I think one of my questions is often do you think being a mom impacted or influenced the way that you run your business?
Yes, 100%.
In what ways do you feel it’s most striking for you?
I think not to keep repeating it, but I think just the empathy factor, I think, too, knowing that this is somebody’s home that they’re going to be living in, raising children in. Mostly not everyone has kids in houses that I sell, but just knowing how important your home is. For me, when I come home to my house, it is a sanctuary. Even if I’ve had a crappy day and the house is a mess, still, there’s nothing that feeling of walking through that door and just taking a breath. Doing whatever you do to de-stress or not de-stress, but it’s still it’s a safe space and to be a part of that in such an important decision, especially as a mom, I think is huge.
Just the empathy aspect. When you were saying that earlier, a deal I did was super stressful. Not because of me. We were selling someone’s house to buy a certain house and the people that were buying the house had to sell their house first, so basically, we were in a domino effect. The middle house, the lending got all screwed up. It delayed these people buying their second house, the next house. Those people were really pissed off. It was a nightmare. All things out of my control and my clients who were selling their home that I was selling and then buying this next home that I was helping them with is a mom of two young girls and she was really stressed out.
I took her to coffee and we just sat down and I just talked to her and I held her hand a bit and she was crying. I got a little emotional and I said, “look, you got to trust me. I got you. We’re going to get through this. Let it all out.” I don’t know many people in this business, women maybe, yes, probably, but not many people do that. I think that’s why I mean if that’s what you’re looking for, plus also a bulldog negotiator, then I’m a really good fit for you.
That’s parenting in a nutshell. Being a listener and a bulldog, I feel that really sums up motherhood on some level and I feel like having the training even though you came into this later, being in that position, and I love Fletcher. That kid, he is going to pressure buttons. He’s so good at it. You’ve learned to love and to support and to be present. I’d love to have him in here because I’d love to hear his perspective.
How To Set The Right Personal And Professional Boundaries
Thaddeus wants to come in, so maybe the two of them come in together and share about my parenting skills. Thaddeus has a whole presentation about what I could work on. I’m curious, with the demand of this job in particular, again, lawyer jobs, they will take you, you’re on call. With especially with yours when it’s dedicated really what people would perceive to be as family time, how do you set boundaries? Your kids had your full attention, basically, before that or a large portion of it. What was that switchover for them?
It was hard. I started getting pretty busy in end of 2019 into 2020 and then 2021 and on have been really quite steady. I would say when in the beginning of that time, it was hard. There was a substantial acknowledgment of my absence not being there. It would come across in just verbally telling me, “You’re gone all the time, you love your job more than you love us.” You name it, they said it. Not Fletcher didn’t, really. He was a lot younger. My older two, definitely. My oldest, she and I have a very close relationship and I think it was just really difficult for her.
I think, honestly, though, in the long run, it’s been one of the best things for her because it’s created a lot more independence for her, learning to live without me to make certain decisions and she’s going off to college. Back to that whole thing, everything happens for a certain reason at a certain time, I think it came in at the perfect time for my daughter to learn to not really rely on me so much. Just setting the boundaries. I’m a real straight shooter. I was a sleep trainer, I didn’t put up with the crying, I just let them cry it out. I draw a very hard line in the sand.
It serves you in that moment. If you’re mothering like that, then you can translate that to this experience. You probably crushed it.
One of the big rules when they were little is I would always say to Mike, like, “Start as you mean to go on.” I do that with everything I do.
What do you mean, “Start as you mean to go on?”
Start as you mean to go on. Basically, you start something as you mean it to go on forever. Don’t start something weak and then expect it to get stricter. I think in teaching taught me that too. I was a teacher, I was always super strict at the beginning and then I would ease off a bit because the kids were like, “She’s actually being nice today.” I think they were relieved, but they knew the bar was set at a certain level and then they could relax a little bit. I think I do that with my business too. I don’t ever really lay off. I did that with the kids too, with just saying, like, “This is the way it’s going to be. I’m sorry I can’t be there. We got to pay the bills, sorry.”
That’s amazing. I would rewind that portion because I wish I would have heard that. For me, I do say like, if I hadn’t worked and my kids, I love you guys, but I know I’ve probably screwed you all up. The reality is it would have been worse if I didn’t work because I would have been a hoarder mama, I would have been all over it.
I think what you just said about your oldest, it is such an important reality and comfort to know that it happened when it was supposed to happen. I think that’s another thing that we’ve shared. One of the biggest surprises, at least for me in motherhood, is that I did not anticipate that all my kids would have unique needs and demands.
I thought they would all be a little weird like me maybe, but not have require my full time and attention to figure them out and to help them out. That’s been a real struggle. I don’t know when that you first came into that experience as a mom, where were you professionally? How did you navigate that so that you could help navigate your child’s path? Just in supporting a child that needed more than we were ready to accept.
I’m still working at it, to be honest. I think that that is really a day-by-day situation. I think teenage years have been extremely challenging. The funny thing is that one of the kids that’s a teenager has been really difficult and the other one is difficult but you get the more entertaining aspect of it. To be walking the path with two very different teenagers has been interesting, but it’s also taught me a lot of empathy, it’s taught me a lot of patience.
Also, just raising kids now is so different than the way we were raised. The other day, my middle was complaining about something and I just looked at Mike and I said, “God, if I ever said this to my parents, what he’s complaining about, I would have been smacked.” It’s crazy. Mike looked at me and said, “Yeah, but we’re not our parents.” it’s true. I don’t know if I’m understanding the question, but I think I don’t know if there was ever a time that I walked into being a parent at this time and felt the need. Is that what you’re asking, felt the need for more?
Just in how to navigate the uncertainty of it. I think the unexpected parts of it. I look at even my son’s journey and realizing, “He needs something different here, or this particular school or this situation is not structured in a way that’s going to help him.” That’s like a full-time job.
I’ll say that working and making money and being able to pay for really good therapy and help has been a huge relief. I do believe that when things started to get more difficult with my child that needed that extra support is when I started to make some more money and I think that to me, it’s like a God thing. Those things came at the exact time that they were needed.
I was able to send her to an amazing school for two years that we never could have afforded that school without that. It’s not all just being able to pay for your problem because the problems don’t go away. It’s just giving them more tools and really great tools to deal with their life. They’re always going to have these challenges. It’s just trying to prepare them as best as we can to handle them as they’re leave the nest.
No, but I think that’s such a really important point of what you’re working for also. That really changed my motivation to figure a way out to at least create the possibility to support them, options for their care, for their benefit, for their development. I think what I was surprised about is I didn’t even know about any of these things or possibilities or needs or anything before I had kids. I’ve learned so much patience and humility and really recognizing the value and the worth and the beauty in each of these people that are totally different than me.
Thank God they are. Honestly, I sit back now, once you’re over the hump of setting them up for success, I look at it as such a gift because the humans that they have become. I’ve told your daughter, she has made a huge impact on my son’s life that I could never thank her enough for. She spoke up and she encouraged and she inspired. To raise a child that is able to do that is only because she’s been loved in the way that you’ve loved her. It’s been a labor.
That’s been a job in itself. I agree with you. She’s got such kindness and she does have a lot of care for others, especially kids that maybe need a little extra hand-holding or whatever it may be. She knows how that feels.
Stop Pleasing Everyone And Learn To Say No
The empathy there. She’s learning from the best. I know you gave a couple free tips earlier about as women are coming into this and deciding to be a mom. You flashed back and we are talking to someone who is interested in pursuing a career and is deciding, “I want to have children and bring children into the mix.” What would you recommend as the stealthy tips? I loved your, “Start as you mean to go on.” that is amazing.
That’s really good for sleep training and bottle feeding all those things when they’re little.
All of it. I’m going to do it when I get home. I’m going to start over. Everybody, we have a new rule. What other things like that that have helped create that family sanity or opportunities to allow both you to work and feel great about it and to mom and feel great about it?
It’s so hard, though. Hindsight’s 20/20. I would never have done this years ago. I would learn to say no more. I was a real people pleaser. I think with time, you learn that the world’s not going to end if you say no. The world’s not going to end if you don’t go to this thing or that thing or if you’re not friends with the person that everybody else wants to be friends with. I think more from a social standpoint. With kids, again, back to that one rule of, “start as you mean to go on,” I would think to put yourself first.
The world will not end if you say no to people. Share on XI think a lot of moms, we always put these kids first. We will always do that, but you also need to have balance as I’m looking at the scales. Yeah, it’s true though. The secret sauce is balance. Self-care and time with your friends, time with your family and time with your kids. I think it sounds very overwhelming and overbearing, but I think it’s doable. You just got to be purposeful about it.
I personally think staying home with children is harder than going to a job. On the flip side, you miss things that normally you wouldn’t miss if you were home. I wouldn’t go back and change anything, but I do wish in a way I had some more independence. I think having a job and making my own money, although obviously, we could use money for our family. I’m talking like we have all this money. We’re not rolling in cash over here. We’re making ends meet. There is peace in that.
A gal that was on our team that left, I’ve become very close to. She got married and she’s pregnant .she has already announced it so I can say it. Her name’s Raquel. I’m fine sharing and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. She thought about buying a house. She already owns a house and we sat down and talked about it. Coming from myself and Neda, who I also work with on the team, we just were like, “That is going to add so much more stress to your plate if you’re comfortable where you are.” I think just don’t take on more than you can chew. I think listen to that voice in your head, the right thing always comes along.
Probably what I would tell myself way back then is don’t be such a people pleaser. It’s okay to say no to anything, to family. You got to put yourself and your rest and your health first because then that’s how you’re a better mom anyways. Saying, “no” and just listening to that little voice in your head is a huge thing that I think a lot of times, as we’re younger, we don’t listen to.
I think because we’re trying to find our way. Even at this age, when I turn down something or say, “no” to something, I still agonize about it, even though I am factoring in variables that if anyone else was in my position it would have been, “That’s a hard no.” there’s something within us that we do want to connect and participate and give, but not at the cost of your own well-being and sanity.
I think you know deep down if you really want to do something or not. I think we think we want to do it or we don’t want to miss it, but do we really want to be there. Probably not.
That is one of the coaches or whatnot that I’ve listened to says. “If it’s not a hell yeah, then it’s an f no.”
That’s the truest thing ever.
It’s really helpful because there is that wavering point when there’s a lot of different people that you’re trying to make happy. I think that is a really good piece of advice.
That’s not even going out with friends. I’m saying even signing up for a committee or being a room mom or whatever it may be.
Even baking the cupcakes versus going and picking them up at the store. I’ll be honest, I used to feel a complete failure when I was walking in but someone told me the night before that I needed cupcakes. It’s not the if I had twelve hours, I probably would have made them, but letting that go. I’m sure that the three-year-old did not care.
Do you think anyone remembers that, even two days later? No.
Achieving Great Things By Working Consistently
It’s okay. I do want to give you the floor for anything else that you want to share because I feel you have so much wealth of knowledge, encouragement, and relief. Even for people that are just sitting at home thinking, “I have that voice inside me,” or “My spouse or friend is suggesting I try something and I’m uncertain or scared,” what would help them get off the couch and take that first step?
I think the first question would be what if you didn’t? If you don’t, then what’s going to happen? I think that you’ll never know until you try. I feel like there’s that voice is there for a reason, whether that’s God or whoever it may be. I do believe that we all have that fairy godmother or whatever on your shoulder thinking of you. What’s meant to be is going to be, just the path that you take to get there. I’m trying to think. I feel like there was something else I wanted to point out and I can edit this out but I’m blanking right now.
No, of course not. This is natural conversation because honestly, it’s the best kind. I think you’ve shared so many amazing pieces of advice and direction for people that are searching for figuring out whether they get to pursue their dream or not, quite honestly. It’s not easy. There are definitely bumps along the way.
I would think consistency. Anything you do consistently, even if you don’t succeed at it, you’ll at least know that you did it and you did it well. I think a real huge meat and potatoes of this business is consistency. We go sometimes a couple of months without much going on. We’re talking to people, or maybe we show them a bunch of places and then they change their mind, “You know, we’re not ready,” which is totally fine, but you’re not getting paid for that. You’re not getting paid for your time.
Even if you do not succeed at doing something, at least do it with consistency. Share on XI think as long as you’re doing something every single day to work towards your goal, whether that’s just picking up the phone and calling someone, writing a note, doing even an email, whatever it may be, I just think as long as you’re consistent, there isn’t that regret of like, “I didn’t do it. I didn’t do my best.” I think that’s been a huge part of it too, whether that’s in a job or just in your life in general. I think consistency with everything.
Even in parenting, quite honestly. I think it’s harder to be consistent many times in the times our raising our kids because there’s so much distraction.
It’s a lot easier just to say, “Screw it, I don’t feel like doing it” and take a day off.
Just let them do whatever they want to do.
I love the, “Let them,” but it’s also what I always back to myself, “Let me.” what she said, “What am I going to do?” I think let them find go do their own thing or not buy the house or not buy, but let me do this instead. I think it’s the “Start as you mean to go on,” again.
I love that. That is such a huge concept that I’ve actually never heard.
It could be the tiniest little thing. It doesn’t have to be some huge thing every day. Just one little thing.
Moving in the right direction, I think. That’s where people get stuck so easily because it does seem overwhelming. When you’re sitting there and you’re doing styling in someone’s house and you’re thinking, “I’m going to be a badass real estate agent,” it didn’t come because you had a fairy godmother to snap her little wand and say, “Here you go.” there’s so much work that went into that and I think the thing that’s beautiful about your kids witnessing that, they saw the work. You showed them the work of what it takes to make your dreams come true. Even looking back at what you grew up with and what you’re giving your kids to inspire their growth, their dream pursuit is such a special part of your story and I’m so glad.
I am so grateful for that too, especially the boys. They’ve really picked up on it and they respect the hustle.
I want you to start a statement. “I’m so proud of myself because.”
This is probably cliché, but I feel like I could think of something a little more creative if I had more time. I’m so proud of myself because I believed in me and I was myself. Believed in me is corny, but I think being who you truly are. I feel like when you aren’t yourself you feel off and your confidence really goes down and we all do it. We all try to be something that the other person wants us to be or what we think that this setting should be. I think when I’m just me and who I am, I think that’s when I’m the most successful. I’m proud of myself for sticking to who I am. Being authentic.
Authenticity is a gem. There’s no one like you. I think what you bring to the table in and honoring your authenticity is also such an important part of what will make you successful and feel good about yourself at the same time. It’s essential, so I think that’s beautiful.
Even as being a mom. Be who you want as a mom. If you want to keep your kid home from the party at 6:30 because they need to go to bed, do it because you’re going to be the happier one, not with the grouchy baby. I remember I got so much crap for that. I wouldn’t go to things or I would skip lunches because they had a nap because I was crazy about that. That was more important to me than going.
Sleep nutrition. It’s a thing.
Does it matter at the end of the day when they’re twenty? Probably not. At the time I needed some sanity and I needed a break.
Going in at your own way. Two parts to that. One, do it your way and be authentic. For all those people saying nasty stuff about how you’re doing it, no, thank you. We don’t need that. It’s hard enough.
Who are these people?
I don’t know. Everyone does it differently. It’s so fun to watch that, though. Especially now from this vantage point versus when you’re in it, I just felt like this is so entertaining in some ways and I’ve always done everything my own way anyways. I don’t listen to people so very well as far as telling me how to. I didn’t read books. I didn’t do all the things.
When you were pregnant and stuff?
Yeah, nothing. I read nothing. I got one book as a gift, the Baby 411.
That’s the only one I had available for emergencies. I had Tina too, and my mom. I remember my mom coming in and seeing all those books on the bedside table and she looked at me and she’s like, “What are you doing? Women have been having babies for thousands of years and do you think you’re going to learn it in a book?”
That’s what we would say now. If I saw my daughter with all these books, I probably wouldn’t say that because it feels a little off-putting, but in my mind I’d be thinking, “it’s not going to help.” The baby’s the baby, they’re going to do what they’re going to do, they’re going to cry or they’re not. Just enjoy the baby. It’s fine. It goes by so fast.
I say enjoy every diaper change because that’s really the only thing that’s guaranteed. It’s okay. We are running to the end of our time. We could do this all day.
I know, we could. I could talk all day.
I know we could. We could have you back anytime.
I’ll come back anytime.
Jen’s Plans And Dreams For The Future
Any thoughts on what your future looks like? Look back at the last ten years and flashing forward to the next, where you might grow and as far as a mom and as far as a real estate agent?
I’m super excited about my next ten years. I just turned 50, as we both did. I look back to when I turned 40 and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the whole thing and how much growth I’ve had. Looking back, if you would have told me at 40 where I’d be at 50 and what I’d be doing, I would have not believed it because this wasn’t even on the bingo card at all. I’m really excited because I really feel I know who I am, I know what I want to do, I know what I want in my life.
It is okay to have a crappy day. You do not have to get out every day and do something. Share on XI think I also recognize losing my dad, how life is moving really quickly. Unfortunately, at least for me, until I lost someone that was such a fixture in my life, you don’t ever think they’re really going to go, but when they do, it is a bit of a humbling experience to say the least. I really try to live each day with intention and I know that’s again a cliché but I do. If I’m going to have a crappy day and I need to take a crappy day and just do nothing, that’s okay too. Don’t think that you got to get out every day and do something. Even that right there is one little thing with consistency. If I want to just take a day and not do anything, that’s okay too.
I think the next ten years is about continuing my success, seeing where this road takes me with real estate, how my business grows. I can really start to feel it growing now, which is a really nice feeling. I feel much more confident in myself as who I am as a real estate agent as well as a mom. This is a huge chapter for my kids because they are all going off to college. I’m excited about what Mike and I get to do now that we have a little more free time to ourselves. All good things. Health is wealth, so that’s number one. The rest will hopefully fall into place.
Valuable Lesson’s From Jen’s Father
I do want to ask you just because you brought up your dad who I know was such a special part of your life. Of course, I was thinking of him the whole Dodger experience he definitely had a hand in that. He had had so many great pieces of advice. I loved the interviews that you have with Colin. There’s so many moments that you created to help bring us into the wonder of this person.
I’d love you to share any of your best tips or what runs through your head from him and just what it was to lose him knowing that you were working so hard. I’ve had that battle with other friends where their parents were sick, but they are a busy parent and have a busy job and you have to manage that experience. How did you do that?
I would say the first part with my dad, I think the biggest thing with him, which is Ironic because if you know me, you know my dad. He and I were extremely close but he was no saint and he made a lot of mistakes in his life. One of them was in his marriage. He always said and he lived this was family over everything. He always showed up. He just always showed up. I think I said that in his in his eulogy that you were at. I think that’s the biggest thing he taught me, whether that’s a family place, they need you there, you show up.
Whether it’s work, you always show up. He would always be the face in the crowd. I think family over everything, even though he made his couple bad choices in his life and he put his family maybe not first. I think ultimately, as he got older, he really realized how important family was and it, so that’s probably the biggest thing he taught me. He was pretty successful and he didn’t finish college. He found his way into his success and he’s a really good salesman. I definitely get that from my dad. He could make a friend at a funeral a guy. He’s just that guy and I think and my brother and I both got that from my dad, we’re both very people people.
I think he was really proud of me and how hard I was working. He comes from a different generation. He loved that I was a woman who was working and dealing with a lot of men in this industry and not taking a lot of crap from people and because I would call him and tell him stories and he would just always tell me like, “You just pick yourself up and you just keep going,” which is what most parents would say. I think when he was sick, it was really difficult. I will say that my team, that’s when in real estate being on a team is just super valuable because they really picked up the slack for me when I wasn’t around.
I was up in LA a lot visiting or whatever, being there. It was like no questions asked. They really came through. Friends were incredible. They just would show up at the door with food or whatever it may be. At the time you’re like, “I don’t want to see anyone,” but then the minute you open the door, you feel so great. I think the loss of my dad has been extremely difficult. I’m a big believer in signs, as we know, and I do get his signs still.
I know he’s proud. I wish he was here. Especially I’ve gotten involved in the Newport Beach Police Department, I’m on the board there. I’m doing the home tour and I think he would have loved to have seen all that and he didn’t get to see any of that. I’m doing it because of him. Not the home tour but the police. That was how I got in my foot in the door. I just talked about my dad and how much he respected the police force. Anyways, I think he’d be really proud of me. I still feel he’s with me.
He’s definitely with the Dodgers.
Go blue. It was amazing. It’s the best. It was incredible.
Jen, thank you so much for sharing your story and your honesty with us. Your journey from styling moms to helping families find their dream homes is such a powerful reminder that our careers can evolve just as we do. To every mom reading, you don’t have to have it all figured out. Sometimes, the next chapter is waiting right inside the skills, passions, and relationships you already have. Motherhood doesn’t limit you. It shapes you.
Important Links
About Jen McDonald
Born and raised in Pasadena, Jen McDonald is a California woman through and through. From spending her childhood summers on the beach between San Juan Capistrano and Balboa Island to eventually planting roots in Orange County, Jen’s life and career have been shaped by a deep connection to Southern California.
Jen graduated on the Dean’s List from Chapman University and went on to spend more than two decades living across some of Orange County’s most distinctive communities, including Irvine, Mesa Verde, Corona del Mar, and Newport Heights. Over those 23 years, she developed an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the region—its neighborhoods, nuances, and the people who make each community unique.
Today, Jen serves clients throughout Los Angeles and Orange County, blending local expertise with a relentless work ethic defined by her never-give-up, “nose-to-the-grindstone” attitude—always balanced with a fun-loving personality and a genuine commitment to connection. Known for taking the time to truly understand her clients both personally and professionally, the majority of Jen’s business comes from personal referrals, a testament to the trust she builds and the results she delivers.
Above all, Jen is the proud mom of three children, and she brings the same dedication, resilience, and heart to motherhood that she does to her career. Her story is one of grit, relationships, and the power of showing up fully—at home, at work, and in the community.
