Achieving sustainable success is one goal every person should pursue in their life. But it is not attained just by working harder and embracing the grind. You must also know how to work smarter while keeping personal relationships deeply rooted in meaning and love. Carrie Fogliani sits down with someone who did exactly that: Amanda Hill, Founder of Hill Health Law. She shares her secrets in balancing her legal career with her role as a loving mother through perseverance, intentionality, and self-care. Amanda also discusses how to overcome life’s hardest challenges, put hard-earned wisdom into good use, and stop comparing yourself to others to finally embrace a grateful heart.
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The Key To Unlocking Sustainable Success With Amanda Hill
Everyone, welcome back to the show. If you’re a working mom who’s ever tried to juggle clients, kids, and this constant feeling that something’s slipping, we have an episode here for you. I am joined by the amazing Amanda Hill. She is the founder of Hill Health Law Group in Austin, Texas, and she’s built an incredible career in healthcare law over the past decades.
First, as general counsel for large physician groups, she navigated very complex regulatory landscapes and million-dollar transactions. Now she’s running her own boutique firm that helps doctors navigate everything from partnership agreements to compliance audits to the intricate business side of modern medicine. What makes her story so compelling isn’t just her legal expertise, but it is how she’s intentionally crafted a practice that really serves her clients deeply, building on amazing relationship skills and honoring her priorities as a mother.
She is someone who has really demonstrated sustainable success, but it is not about just working harder, but smarter, building systems and relationships that really make a huge difference, not only as she is professionally pursuing her dreams, but also as she is creating a family life that is just as successful. Beyond these impressive resumes and client wins, she’s a mom who’s figured out how to lead with grace, build a thriving business, and let go of the myth of perfection along the way. I am so excited to hear from Amanda and have her share her wisdom that can help all of us feel better about being great attorneys and great moms.
Welcome, Amanda.
Thank you. That makes me sound very fancy. I am excited to be here.
Amanda’s Journey As A Mother And Lawyer
We’re so happy to have you here. We were sharing that it’s not every day that we get to sit and really reflect on our journey from this vantage point. I do feel like there’s so much that you can also share with us from a professional perspective, but we’re going to do our best to really zone in on what this experience has been like to be a mom and an attorney. I’d love to start out just learning a little bit more about your professional path, and when children arrived on the scene, and you added that to your resume.
My story is so unique and I hope that anyone tuning in, I hope that you resonate on this because it does not have to follow a linear path. Mine did not. I am not alone in thinking that every lawyer starts out thinking they’re going to be one thing and then they end up pivoting, as you well know, Carrie, from your own story. When I went to law school, I was like a Type A Southern girl, like, this is the thing. I am going to go and be a prosecutor.
I was like Legally Blonde, “I am here. I am going to be a federal judge, and no one’s going to stop me. I am going to put criminals behind bars,” whatever all the dreams that I had. I was on law review. I was like, “I am going to go get them. I am going to change the world.” My career has taken such different shifts over the past twenty years that I never dreamed that I would not take back. When I started, I had that vision. The first job that I got, I couldn’t find, to be honest, because we were stuck in a town.
My husband at the time was going to a different law school in a different town. I had to find a job where he was. I thought, “If I cannot be a US attorney on day one of my legal career, then I will just work for a federal agency.” That’s how nutsy I was. I went to the VA, and that was the reason it sounded more prestigious. That is literally why I wanted to work there. It just sounded better than working for a law firm.
I dove into this new job, and guess what? There was no job opening. It is not like I applied for this job. I saw a posting for a ten-year lawyer, and I thought, “They have jobs. They have lawyers who work there. I can figure it out.” I just go balls in with all my little tiny resume. I had no resume. I was a dumb little brand-new graduate. I think they just pitied me, to be honest.
They were like, “Did you not realize that this job required ten years of experience?” I thought, “How hard can it be? I have guts.” They were like, “Okay.” I think they were surprised that I came in so hot, but they were wowed somehow by my naivete. I think maybe they thought they could beat me down. I do not know, but they gave me a job. It was an entry-level job that they did not even have posted, but I got it somehow.
That led my life in a different direction. I started reading medical records. I started realizing, “This is kind of interesting. How do you defend the doctor that they’re claiming did something wrong?” That career journey was interesting. I had a short foray on a television show, which is fun to talk about. I know. After that, I was on one of the early reality television shows out there.
Which one? We can talk about that.
The Apprentice. Remember The Apprentice?
Yes, of course, I remember The Apprentice. I was on that show.
I was on The Apprentice. It was the one with Martha Stewart. I was obsessed with Martha Stewart. Everyone called me like, “You’re just like Martha Stewart because I threw big parties and I love to cook and decorate.” I went to New York, I went on the show, it was a fantastic, fun experience. I thought at that point, “What am I doing at the VA? I am going to do a really difficult thing.”
Anyway, I just kept stumbling forward, following sort of a general hunch that this was the right thing. By this point, I was pregnant with my first child, and I really wanted to have a big step up in my career. I was sitting in a doctor’s office with poison ivy. That is how that second job started, sitting with poison ivy. I thought to myself, “I wonder who the lawyer is with this big group.” I called them up, cold-called them, talked to somebody, three or four random people.
I was like, “Who’s your lawyer?” They were like, “We have this firm and that firm.” I am like, “That’s dumb. Why do you not have an in-house lawyer? You’re big enough. Why do you not have one?” They were like, “We’ve never seen it as a priority before because we have these great relationships with these lawyers.” I am like, “You have a gap.” We set up a meeting, and I brought a brochure. No, it’s dorky. It’s humiliating.
No, it’s not. These are like dreams coming true. I love this. No, people need more of this out there if you’re tuning in, because a lot of people have a voice that’s like this, what you’re saying, but they quiet that voice. to go in and pursue the dream, “Do not do, do not shut that girl up.” I think that’s awesome.
I went in there with my brochure, and I’m not kidding. It was a threefold. I was at Kinko’s making a brochure. I presented a brochure on why you should hire Amanda Hill as your general counsel. They again were probably like, “Who is this person?” I wheeled and dealed. I was like, “I will tell you what, if you let me be your general counsel, what I will do for you is.”
I did not realize early on that I was starting to hone my negotiating skills. Just even by getting these jobs, I started thinking, “What could I do for you? What do you look for? What benefit can I give you? I am going to be that person.” I started saying, “I am going to train your doctors. I will do all of their professional training. I will listen to your angry patients, and I will take that over.”
That part. I love that. Is this the place where you were the director of patient services as well as their lawyer? Is that the place?
Yes, that’s the place.
When you mentioned that, I was listening, and I thought I was blown away by that because I’ve always wanted to be that person who gets to follow along with people and find out why they’re not getting successful results because they’re not being nice. That had to be a very interesting experience.
It’s so great. I got to follow doctors around during the day with a clipboard, and we would say, “Are you okay with me doing the day-in-the-life-of-the-doctor story?” The patients are like, “Okay.” I would figure out why their patient satisfaction scores were low. It was the best training ground because I was wondering why patients are angry and why the doctors are screwing this up. That, of course, just completely changed the trajectory of my career changed so much.
I did not care about really being a US attorney. I really wanted to focus more on this new world I was involved in. Anyway, I had my first child in that job and then my second child. The second kid came, and I was like, “This is why I was wearing basically two jobs. I was a patient director, and I was trying to handle this, and I was doing all their CME.” I did not just do CME. I was like, “We’re going to have a blowout party, and it is going to be epic, and there is going to be a cake.”
There are going to be our Martha Stewart moments of training. That’s awesome.
I would host these big things for physicians. One of them was called the Physicians Academy. I was the headmaster. I pretended like it was a college, and it was very fancy. Every module of the day, I mean, of course, was very packed with education for these doctors. We had like a care package, like they were in finals at the end of the day, we had snacks. It was just so fun. They let me be me. That was the most beautiful thing ever, because not all jobs I’ve had are like that, where you cannot just be you. They are like, get in your box, do your job.
The most beautiful job allows you to be just yourself and does not trap you in a box. Share on XEspecially as lawyers, we like being able to be authentic as an attorney. Especially when I am a lot like you, like everything you’re saying, I am absolutely on board and would love to go to your academy. It is not common that’s embraced and supported. You were so lucky so early, quite honestly, in your career to have that backing.
I was very lucky about that. There were times that I remember thinking, “I overstepped, or “I think that was too much, I need to tone it down.” That is natural, you find your wings. I remember at one point I was in the C-suite, and I put these little sticks of gum on everybody’s door with a note. It is really silly. You are all going to die laughing. I was like, “No, let us all stick together.” I do not know, it was just something ridiculous. What we would do for our kids, but I was doing it for the CFO of this major company. Bless their heart, they just looked at me like, “look at her, she’s so dumb and cute.
I just think they love it. I have to say, in our firm, my brother works with us, which is always an interesting dynamic. On a call, I was similarly sharing something that was personal, that was trying to motivate people in a unique way. Afterwards, I called him, because I can, and I said, “Was I too much? Was I too much?” He’s like, “Carrie, everybody’s used to you.”
That’s right.
Becoming A Writer And Returning To Law
That’s okay. It’s okay. That’s amazing. You were there for how long?
About five years. I thought, I know this is so fun to talk about my personal side on this show, which is all about the career. In my heart, I wanted to write books. I have always been a writer. I have always dreamed about being a novelist and writing books, and that being said, I have always had a blog. I always wrote journals. I find my husband at the time was about to make partner at his law firm. I thought, “If I am not going to do it now, when?” I really wanted to make the writing dream a reality. I decided to quit and be a writer. I quit. I had a big party, like, “Goodbye, Amanda, we’ll miss you.” I was like, “I am a writer now.” I’m juggling these two kids.
How old were they at that time?
One and three. After my son was born, I worked for a while, and I could not deal with the pressure of all the things. It’s too much. Also, I am really ambitious, as you can tell, and it is really hard for me. I was like a tradwife before that was popular. There was no Instagram. I was all about like, “I am going to have bread baking Mondays, and I am going to have a garden, and we got chickens, and we had all the things, and I was so excited.”
This is our life now, and I am such a good wife and mother. My world fell apart, and I got a divorce. It was heartbreaking, and I did not expect it. It came out of nowhere. I was like, as many moms, and a ton of your audience, I’m sure, that have gone through a divorce, it’s like, “I did everything right,” and that’s what I was thinking at the time. “How could this be happening to me?” I was like, “I am baking bread for God’s sakes.”
I totally understand that. “I am all the things.”
“I am being a great mom. Like what?” I was really heartbroken. Anyway, I managed to get that first. They all happened at the same time, but I got my first book written. I published, I got a novel, and I was trying to get an agent and get a publishing deal. My world fell apart with this divorce. I was forced to go back to work. Lawyering makes more money than writing, turns out. I went and got a different job at a nonprofit health organization, which was a great learning curve as well.
It was not the same because now I am juggling two small kids and an ex and all this toxicity, and I was just spinning around. Every day I go to Starbucks. I talk about this in another book that I wrote. This is something that is going to be published. Every day, I would go to Starbucks, and I would pay for the person behind me. That was my ritual every day.
I thought to myself, “If I am lucky enough to have a job, if I am lucky enough to go to Starbucks and pay $5 or whatever it was for coffee, I can afford the car behind me.” To this day, I have never gone through a Starbucks without paying for the car behind me. In fact, I just want to cry just talking about it. It makes me so happy to bring that tiny amount of joy to someone when they did not expect it. To me, that is just giving yourself a gift. Every day, I just kept going. I am going to make it through this day.
It was a horrible two years because I had tiny kids, I had a babysitter, and I had an hour commute. I took the job that I could find. This is no longer Amanda spitting out three things. Now I took the job that I had to take for my survival. It was not a great fit. The boss and I did not really get along. There are a lot of things that I was like, “I have never been in this position before.” When you’re Type A like we are, and you’re successful, and you hit roadblocks, you just have to figure out how to get over them.
I love those stories you are sharing, though. I just think that the practice that you put into place, your generosity practice during those hardest times. A lot of people feel so overwhelmed with all the things you just shared that you were going through at that time. The fact that you had the wherewithal, quite honestly, I just want to pause and say thank you for all the people that you paid for.
I also think showing your kids, showing all of us here, that there’s that one small thing we can do to lighten our load a little bit or lighten our heart, give us hope in that generosity. That practice is something very powerful. You say it like, “This is just what I do,” but for everyone who is in a difficult spot, finding something kind to do for others that gives you that fulfillment and joy, that might have been something that helps sustain you through all those challenges.
Overcoming A Really Bad Infection
Thank you for saying that, and I do. I am not joyful all the time. This is not some toxic positivity like, as my best friend’s mom said, “Just get glad on the same page you got mad on.” That is not real. Let us just tone that down. I have gone through so many hard things in my life, and you get to the point. By this point, when I had gone through a divorce, and I had these two little kids, and I had this difficult job, I had already gotten through cancer. I thought I’d already faced my hard thing.
I had ocular melanoma in my left eye, so I do not see with my left eye. I’ve had lots of surgeries, lasers, and radiation. I had gotten through cancer. I was scared that it would metastasize. I had all the angst of a major cancer. When my daughter was born, as a lot of you may relate, there was a complication. I had a horrible hospital stay after her birth, which is a whole other story that we could chat about. My point is, I almost died a couple of times before I even got to this point. It’s not like this is my first hard challenge. When I was in the hospital after my daughter was born, can I just take a minute to focus on that before we move forward?
Yes.
All I wanted to do was be a mom. I wanted to be that perfect wife, be that perfect mom. Everybody says that like, “All I ever wanted was to have children.” I relate to that very deeply. That was in my core. That was in my whole being to be a mother. No holds barred. I did not have a piece of feta cheese, Carrie. I did not drink unpasteurized juice. I was in it. I was going to be the best mom and do all the things and follow all the rules.
Her cord was wrapped around, and they had to do an emergency C-section, and that’s not a unique story. What’s unique is that three days after I got home with this beautiful baby that I was going to breastfeed for a long time, and I had all these dreams, I started to get stomach pains that turned into a 911 call that sent me to the hospital. I spent almost a month in the hospital. When I got the medical records, I was actually writing a memoir.
I looked back at my medical records recently, and it was weird to read the records now as a health lawyer, but I read all the time about myself. The words that they used in the discharge summary were, “Her medical course was very stormy.” I thought that was interesting. That was the truth. What happened is I got a staph infection inside my abdomen, and I ended up getting a really bad infection, and I got septic. Which is very much life-threatening. I did not think I would make it.
That third week, when they were like, “We’ve given you all the vancomycin we can give. There’s just nothing more we can do.” It was a truly come-to-Jesus moment where I was like, “What is my life going to look like now? I had birthed this child. I do not know if I will go home to her. All the work that I have done seems insignificant. All the legal training, all of that seems worthless. All I wanted to do was just go home. My only singular goal was, “I want to be healed, and I want to go home.”
That changes you. You pile cancer, you pile near-death, you pile all this stuff on, and then you are in this job that you never anticipated, and you are in a world and a landscape you do not recognize. You pay for that person. You do because you have to survive. You have to find any tiny joy that you can that day. Sometimes it was just listening to NPR and getting my cortisol levels down and just trying to get to the job in one piece. Anyway, I made it two years because I had in my head that if you do not work somewhere for two years, you’ll never get a job.
Even if you have to bust a door down, you will find something that works better for you. Share on XThat is old school.
Two years to the day, I was like, “I have to leave this job for my mental health.” I was crying every day on the way home. I was so miserable. I would call the nanny. I was a single mom at this point, and said, “It’s me again. Do you think you could put them through the bath? I am going to be late. There is another thing, could they not let me out of here? I have a board meeting.” I was getting home at night. My kids were sleeping on her couch.
It was ridiculous. I was like, “This is not the life that I will live.” I had no idea what was next. I knew that I had to be more for these babies that I worked so hard to birth. I ended up quitting that job, which was a beautiful day. I will never forget the feeling of just taking that resignation letter and sliding it into my boss’s desk that says, “I’m out.” Did I have a clue? Not much. That’s when I started my own law practice at that point.
That transition really helped you formulate what is now a super successful firm.
Which came out of absolute necessity.
Honestly, not that you want to write a thank-you note to that miserable environment, but it was definitely a launching pad that helped you find a different way and a better way.
I actually do mentally think about writing a thank-you note. As stupid as it sounds. It is like I am so grateful that that job was so miserable for me that I felt no other choice. Every time that I deal, I deal a lot with doctors and employment law and changing jobs, I am like, “Consider it a gift because this obviously is not a good fit for you. There will be something else, even if you have to bust a door down and make it, you will find something that works better for you.”
Picking One Goal And Knocking It Out Of The Park
When I started my firm, it was just like, “I do not know, I guess I’ll just go to lunch and generate some work. Is that how you do this? I do not know.” I went to like, was like, “I just happened to be in the area.” I was cold calling. I was just going to lunch with every doctor that I could find, every referral. “I just so happened to be there by their office for coffee. How about we meet?” Hustle, hustle, hustle. I got 1, then 2, then 5, then 20, and then a thousand. It just grew, and I am grateful for that.
I think it to your audience, it’s hard to juggle entrepreneurship and doing all this, plus your school calls, and they’re like, “They have a fever.” You’re like, “What?” That was tough. There are moments where I look back, and I’m like, I’m sure you feel the same way. “I do not know how I did that year. I do not know. That was such a blur.” One thing that I really, really want to share with other moms, especially young moms, is that they always say, “Pick your battles and let things go.”
Those are like platitudes that I do not know people realize what that means. You feel guilty if you cannot go to all the things they want you to, all the performances or whatever. I decided that I picked one thing. I picked one thing, and I knocked it out of the park. That was the Christmas party. I was the Christmas party mom. What happens every year? I would say because I love parties, I will sign up for the Christmas party, and I am going to make this the best Christmas party this third-grade class ever had.
I was like, “I got a team, people would sign up, we would divide up the work. Every year, I had a different theme.” For a decade, twelve years, I had every Christmas party theme you could buy. One year was all peppermint, one year was plaid, one year was whatever. I would have all the decor, and I would make a mural for the wall that had the class names. We would have crafts and all the things, and everything would go together. I spent a long time working on it.
Man, my kids were excited about the party that their mom put together. The rest of the year, I was paper-plate mom. I was a Venmo mom. I was like, “What do I need to do to give you all the money? You guys figure this stuff out. I do not have time for all this.” I picked that one thing, and I did it well. Otherwise, you just do a little of all of it, and you’re bitter, and you’re resentful, and you’re like, “I feel like I cannot do it all.”
Why Moms Should Do Something Visible For Their Kids
You did something visible to your kids. That is the other part that I really think people miss. God bless all the non-working moms who are doing all this behind-the-scenes work. I love you, and I appreciate it, but I have limited time with my kids anyway. Doing something that is so present that they see you in that space, and the doing, it’s especially important. I really advise a lot of the moms that I talk to, like, “Go to the class for one hour a week versus being.” I love that. Your kids, now, when they look back, I would love it if they ever share. How was that?
That would be fun. You made a good point, which is many moms did so much more than I did behind the scenes, and bless them for that, because the school does not run without them. I feel selfish that I went in and did the big thing. Thank you to them. They like it.
They appreciate it.
They seem to enjoy the big thing that I did.
They get a break.
There was one year that my daughter was aging out of the elementary school, like aging out of when you have Christmas parties. You do not do that after a certain age. She was in the very last year, I think it was fourth grade or fifth grade, when they stopped having Christmas parties. That year, my son was entering school. I said, “You know what, Miriam,” that was my daughter, I said, “I am going to take Truman’s Christmas party this year. You’re going to have to let the other moms do yours.” She was like, “What? You’re going to let the other moms do the party?”
I was like, “It is fine.” She comes back. For the rest of my life, for the next ten years, I have heard the story about the Broccoli Tree. Some mom did not really know what to do, so she brought in a broccoli Christmas tree, where she stuck broccoli on some foam and had a side of ranch. My kids never let that down. “You bailed on me for the Christmas tree, and we had a broccoli tree. How could you do this to us? You all were over there eating chocolate snowmen. We had a broccoli tree.” That was funny. “How dare you?”
That’s appreciation in a different form. They do not appreciate you until you’re not in the mix. I think that’s great.
I do have to be self-selective. I tell myself, I try to be selfish about it, but I do try to put myself in an environment where my kids can see. Someone asked me once, “Could you help with the party for the teachers?” I was like, “Are my kids going to be there? If not, I’m sorry, I really cannot. I have to prioritize the things that my kids are at, whether that is chaperoning for a trip, whether that is, like you said, helping in the classroom, whatever.
It has to benefit my kids because that’s the only time I can carve out of my busy life.” That was the funny story about the Christmas party. Otherwise, as the kids get older, another thing I found that I want moms to listen to so much is that you are able to talk to your kids about what is most important to them. When my daughter ran cross-country, I would say, “Is this meet important to you?” Let her tell me, “Actually, no, mom, this is just a practice meet,” or “This isn’t in the district,” or “I don’t really care if you come or go.” I am going to trust her on that.
Mothers should listen to their kids as they get older and talk about what is most important to them. Share on XI did not go to that one, and I worked or did other stuff. If she says to me, and if any of your kids say to you, “Mom, this game, this football game is really important,” then you go. You carve out whatever you have to do to go and be there and be dedicated and fully involved. Let the other stuff go. Do not feel bad about it. You do not have to go to everything. They do not remember. Can I just say their brains do not remember the things you cannot go to when they’re 5 or 10? They just remember the big stuff. Make the big stuff count.
Ask them. That’s a brilliant tip because they are old enough. Even this morning, I did not go to my son’s surf competition because it is at 6:45, and I have two other kids at school, and I did not have someone to take them. I showed up to pick him up after, and of course, the other moms were there, and Shane, my son, said, “She didn’t even bother to show up.” I’m like, “It’s because you said I didn’t need to.” You need to take a joke.
The other part of this is that our kids know that they can get us, but they also can share when we need to be there. After being ten years old, you could start having those conversations about whether it’s part of our love language. Do you need me to show up for all these things? We can bust our butt to get there, and literally, they do not even care. That has happened more times than not. That’s a really great piece of advice to be communicative about what is important.
You mentioned love languages. That’s excellent. I’ve asked all my kids, “How do you want me to show up for you?” If it’s quality time, it’s quality time. If it’s words of affirmation, send them more texts. It’s not about like, “I’m so proud of you. I love you.” What’s more impressive, and I think what sticks more, is even when you’re little, you can still do this when you’re little. “I saw you painted that picture of a forest, and you painted one of those trees purple. What an interesting choice to paint a tree. That was really cool.” Now that resonates.
Talking To Your Kids About Your Job
Instead of, “I am proud of you. I love you.” That goes in and out. Specific things that they do that you can point out. I try to think about that when I am giving my kids a compliment. Is it specific? Does it look like I’ve paid attention to what they’re doing? Another thing that I do with my kids that I think has worked out well is talk about my job. My son said one time, this was in elementary school. He said, “My friend doesn’t even know what his mom does.”
He’s like, “What kind of a lawyer?” The kid was like, “I don’t know.” I know we love our children. We obviously do. That is our most important thing. We also have all these other things that we have interests in. As for me, it’s writing books, and it’s working, and it’s having client interactions. I remember one time just this year, my son is a high school football player. Obviously, all children who are teenagers are tiny little narcissists. It is okay. It is part of their growth. That is not a bad thing.
That is not you. Do not take it personally.
The world revolves around you. That is all they think about is their life, their world, their thing. I had to miss a game. Which I hate doing. It was a home game, and I had to miss a game, but I was giving a really big speech that was very important to me. I started talking about that speech months before, and I would say, “I am so excited about the speech. It’s on the big stage. It is going to be recorded. It is going to be one of the biggest speeches I’ve ever given.
This is what it is going to be about. I am so excited about the speech because I get to tell doctors, da da da.” I talked about it, and I was like, “I hope it goes well, and I hope the recording goes well. What am I going to wear to the speech?” I talked a lot about the speech. When I said to him, “Son, that speech that I am giving is during this game.” He goes, “It’s fine, because it’s your speech and it is really big.” Now, if I had not said anything and I just did not show up to this game, he’d be like, “What do you mean you didn’t show up to my game? What kind of a horrible mom are you?”
He knew. What that also teaches your children when you talk about your job and what you’re doing, I do not obviously talk about attorney-client privilege stuff, but I will say, “Man, I’ve got this client and they’re really in a jam, and this is the general thing that they’re going through and this is how I am helping them.” That’s interesting to most kids because we have cool jobs.
Teaching them how to problem solve and, “What do I think about this or that?” Also, translating that to our conversations with them. A lot of the same things that I know, you are like a powerhouse at relationship building professionally. It is so fun to hear you talk about how you’ve applied those skills, those tools to sharing and conversing and building that relationship with your kids.
Even though we do work, what I like, and I pray, and I hope is that because of the job I have, I am building a really solid relationship with my kids because we are listening. We are sharing about the hard things we do. They get to share about the hard things that they’re facing and how to solve them. Talking about the work is something that is new.
Many women have shared that sometimes we want our kids to think that we do not work, even though we do work. There is this tension. I remember my daughter told her preschool teacher in her share that I was a baker. I love to bake. The woman looked up at me like, “I thought you were a lawyer.” I said, “She doesn’t know.”
That was my trigger to start talking about, even at that early age, that my mom helps people, and I help people get to the doctor. How you talk about your job is a little tricky, but get your kids in the know once they get old enough, and I get them to know. That’s a really brilliant way to help them also get buy-in to why we cannot be at everything all the time.
Everything you do models for your kids. What if they walk in and overhear a client or someone, a closing counsel, like really aggressive or angry on the phone, and you’re the one who’s calming it down, and they hear that? They are going to go, “You do not have to respond with anger. You can argue a certain way or be a calming force.” Everything we do is modeling. I think of that whenever I get a random call, it’s a client on and on, and my kid hears part of it.
How I react to this is so meaningful because they are watching like a hawk. Many times when my kid comes home from school and says, “You’ll never guess what this kid said. They are such idiots. They said da da, or they were so mean.” The first thing I always say is, “What do you think that’s all about?” You know it’s coming because I have a mantra.
He goes, “Yeah, I know what you’re going to say.” I go, “That comes from insecurity. The reason that they’re so mean is that they’re struggling, or they’re mirroring something that their parents did, or they do not know how to express it in a different way. Have compassion on them.” If you can work through those things, and I think in our profession, it is very stressful. It is. You just get around it. You’re in it. Nobody calls the lawyer to chit-chat.
Nobody calls me to just talk about recipes. When they call the lawyer, something has gone wrong. We have to deal with that stress every day. How do you learn not let it affect you? Your body just feels stressed. It does not think, “That’s not my stress, that’s the client’s stress.” It all just floods with cortisol coming from everywhere. Part of our job is to learn how to regulate that and teach our kids how to regulate that. Everything cannot run from a bear.
How Moms Should Manage Their Cortisol Levels
How, over the course of your experience as a mom and a lawyer, have you managed your cortisol levels? What are the things that you do that might resonate with others about managing? Writing might be part of that, but what are other things that you recommend that have worked for you?
When I get flooded too much, I have to go and put my face in the sun. I am a Southern girl, and we have a lot of nice weather, but you have to get that vitamin D back in your body. Getting your feet on the soil and just walking can clear my mind like nothing else. Just getting outside, going for a walk, even to the mailbox and back. I do not care how far it is.
Just getting outside, separating from it. Writing is helpful for me. I know everyone has their side project. Writing isn’t just helpful as a release. I actually cannot process things unless I write them. When people speak it, I am like, I do not even spell jumble usually, but when I write it, it is very clear. Most of the time, I am struggling with something. It could be in the middle of the day, when I’ve got in-between meetings, there are a hundred things.
I’ve many times just stopped in the middle of my day, opened up a blank Word document, and just started writing out my feelings. “I am so angry about this thing. I am so frustrated. This is how I am feeling. I do not think this is fair.” I’ve written them in the form of letters. I’ve written them in the form of poems. I’ve written them in the form of just gibberish.
A Facebook post. If you’re Facebook friends with me, I apologize because I’m writing all the time on Facebook. Everything in thought and feeling. It is because it is for me a way that I can release stress. Other people have different coping mechanisms. Can we just stop saying, “Take a bath and get a massage”? We’re not all going to just drop everything and take a bath and get a massage.
Who has time for that? I love walking outside walking and nature is helpful for me, but sometimes I just make a cup of tea and sit in a chair without my computer. Sometimes I cannot even make it to five minutes, because I want to go back to the thing, but you have to find what works for you with the time you have. Another thing that I’ve been encouraging people in difficult dynamics and with the stress that we live with is daily doses. You have to find something daily.
Honestly, I might borrow your Starbucks-behind-me trick because I feel like that will decompress me. When I look back at my day, I always say, “I want to be singing when the day is done.” I want something in the course of the last twelve hours to just bring an insurgence of joy. You have got to find the one thing, whatever it does for you. Having that daily minute or two, like this, is something I see many women who handle this job with grace and more calm than I do. I feel like that’s part of their practice.
If I were to pick one thing that helped me the most, and I want to use the word very carefully, because this word I think encapsulates it the best, perseverance. If you had developed a heart of perseverance, it would not be won overnight. It takes many years to develop true perseverance. You have to think of your life as a long journey, as a long marathon.
It is not about this day because this day might suck. This day might be really hard. You might get the diagnosis. You might be yelled at. You might get ill, and you’re beaten down, and your kid has a fever, and the dog vomits, and all those things. That is a bad day. Your life has so much promise, and you have so much more to live. Many days that I had it were a bad season.
You have to think of things as this is a season and there is going to be a difference. The long-term is not going to be this way. That is where that perseverance comes in. It is earned. You think, “I’ve gotten through what I’ve gotten through in the past. I made it through that. I made it through this. I made it through that.” Now I’m like, “There’s me. What are you going to hit in my way? Bring it.”
Lawyers do not necessarily sit on their accomplishments much, though. We’re moving on to the next thing versus honoring the season passage that you’ve endured and building up the perseverance. Something that I also think we have to promote with young lawyers, young mothers. Just remember, when you have a great day, literally, this is maybe not an embarrassing tip, but I used to get those stars and put them on the calendar as a positive day.
Sometimes there were days that just completely bombed. Especially when I had three kids in three years. It was insane. I do not even know how many diapers I changed. When I had a good day, to do something to honor and recognize that, so that when you look back, maybe there were 5 or 6 in a month, maybe more, but just at least relishing momentarily in the accomplishment of a good moment or “I really felt like I parented that situation.” We do not do that. We’re moving on to the next.
We women, we need our tribe around us. We do not thrive alone. That is not how it works. You ask men who their best friend is, and they say their wife. You ask a woman, and they’re like, “Jenny.” We have got our people. We do not need a man to be our best friend. Now sometimes they are. Let us do that for each other more, too, because you do not see it in yourself. You might be like, “Finally, a day that didn’t suck.” It’s easy to go to the negative.
Our body always goes to the negative. That is just the way we’re wired. It’s just like, “I guess I’ll survive this.” I’ve encouraged this, I foster it, and my friends are this way. Build your tribe to be supportive of your wins, to always be there, lifting each other up. I just got a text from a friend yesterday, and I haven’t heard from her in a while. You know how it is with friends. You’re busy. She’s a lawyer. We have our careers. She sent this text message that was like, “I just want you to know how proud I am of you, and look how far you’ve come.
I know this hard thing you’re going through, but I just want you to see what I see.” I was like, “We need to do that more.” It meant so much to me for you to say that to that mom who is struggling. When you were going through that, Carrie, for another mom to be like, “This is what I’m seeing in you. I saw how you did this, and look how you got over that. I know you don’t see it, but I do.” That gives you such the wind that you’re like, “I guess I’m not screwing up.”
It builds your perseverance. Those are the building blocks of that essence that are critical to getting up the next day and doing it all over again.
We have got to stop comparing ourselves. Today is the last day that you’re going to go, “I could never do what Amanda did, because,” or “I could never do what Carrie did, because,” or “I would, but.” We have got to stop being a victim and saying, “I cannot do that,” or, “I’ll never be as good as that person,” because that is a bad game. It is a loser. You’re never going to get there with that.
Outsourcing Household Tasks While Making Memories
It is not productive. It is boring. If I am being very honest, that is a boring game. What I have started doing, and now I just turned 50. I have zero Fs, okay? I am doing everything I ever wanted to do. I am TikTok, and I am going for it. My whole mantra is what else do I want to do? What else? I think shifting that into whatever else it is that you think you might want to do.
I am not a perfect visualizer, but people who have done that a lot, a lot of my friends really love that, and like mapping it out and writing it down. Also, just doing, going forward and not looking back at the negative of what I haven’t done so far or yet or ever. That is a really toxic mindset that especially limits moms who are exhausted and beat down. I’ve been reading this article from the ABA on the motherhood penalty.
I personally feel like I’ve been very blessed in my career. My business partner is a dad, and he has supported me, saying, “I do not feel like I’ve had that penalty. I’ve been held up and encouraged to be the mom I want to be.” I know I’m very unique in that essence, but we have to continue to push through that. It is not always easy because there is a huge burden on what moms are expected to do, especially moms who have high-powered jobs.
Let me give you a little tip. Outsource every possible thing to the moms. Let me give you an example. Back to the thing about not doing things at school unless your kids see you doing it, do they see you doing dishes and laundry and all this stuff? Maybe, sometimes they do. I hire someone. I used to be embarrassed about it. I’m not embarrassed anymore. As you, I’m 50, so I’d get two traps about it.
I hire someone to come into my house every week. I do not know how to do laundry. It escapes me. I have no skills. This is how I do laundry. I put it in the wash, then I put it in the dryer, and then it goes on the floor, and I sterilize it like it’s a foreign object. I am like, “I do not know, what are you supposed to do with this? What happens next?”
I do not know. It just sits there until somebody takes care of it. Who is coming? No one is coming. I hired this woman, and she does my laundry. Every week it is beautiful. She also picks up my house. When my kids come from school, the house is magically clean because I have decided that is a priority for me. Self-care for me is letting her come do all of those things.
It is a thousand percent.
It is not a bath. I do not want a massage. I do not want to stay for dinner. I want my kitchen to be clean. Since now I am single again, and I do not have a partner to help me with that, I hire it out because I can. I am blessed to be able to do that every week. I hired that out. She comes just picking up. I am not saying I need someone to scrub. I just want it to be picked up. I want the dishes in the dishwasher. It gives me such peace. What then you can do is if I am going to do anything for my kids, I am going to make homemade food that they remember, that creates memories for them. I am going to spend time. I am not going to outsource that because they’re going to remember
That brings you joy. I am very similar. I cook pretty much every night because I pretend like it’s the last supper, like, “What if something happens to me and I die in my sleep? I want to make sure I have a good meal.” Also, that creates a moment with my family. That is a moment. There’s value in that. Similarly, I am not relaxed if my house is disorderly, so I have someone to support that for me.
I used to call it we just throw money at the problem. Right now, the problem I am trying to solve is soaking up as much quality time with my kids and pursuing my career path as vigorously as I possibly can. In order to do that, you cannot do all those other things. I know everyone struggles because these are tender times economically, but to the extent you can still maintain your sanity doing that, do it.
To me, two hours a week. If you can just scrape together $40 a week to hire someone come in just for this tiny thing, anything helps.
It changes everything, though.
It really does. Who says that we’re supposed to be these people who do all of the things? The world has told us that that’s dumb. My mom used to say, you know that Brady Bunch show where they had like a live-in makeup.
Alice.
My mom used to always say, “Amanda, you need an Alice.” That’s all about Alice and me.
Everybody needs Alice.
The things that I am going to let go of.
Letting that go, I think, because the other part is I’ve had women struggle with that because they feel like that’s part of what they’re supposed to be doing. I do not get it. Like, “How are you going to sleep or not?”
It is funny because I am a writer, so I have an Instagram called Amanda Hill Writes. My second husband, who is so funny, said, “Do you know what you should have? You should have a handle called Amanda Hill Wrongs.” For every beautiful Instagram post, as we all know, there is a background of clutter, of stuff, of kids and dogs and running, and there are messy things. You just focus on this one thing that you take a picture of. Our lives are like that.
You take a snapshot of a beautiful thing, but in the background, you know, the tag’s still on the back of your sweater. It is a Zoom call, and the bottom half is PJs. You do not see the outside frame. We are all in that. That’s what happens when you start comparing yourself. As I said earlier, that is a thief that robs you of joy because you do not know their story.
When people come to me, and they’re like, “What hardships have you endured?” I am like, “Let us back up.” There’s been a lot. You do not know their life. Anyway, it is really important that you just try to focus on the one question that I ask myself all the time, which is what’s the worst thing I’ve ever done? Let us go to that worst-case scenario. Can I live with that? Like, “What if they say no?”
I do not think people realize it because my career has been so successful, and I’ve done so many things and started companies, which is what didn’t work. It is like an iceberg. Many things did not work. You do not see those. You do not see the manuscripts that did not work or the companies that never launched, or that did and flopped. That’s important for people to realize, “That did not work.”
Go Against All Odds And Do Your Thing
You gained perseverance. That is the underlying theme for this entire discussion, even going back to when you were at the VA and telling them, “I can get a ten-year lawyer job, do not worry about it.” That started building up that perseverance. You have something innate within you. I do want to just gently go back to that woman who walked into the VA and learn a little more about how that approach was born.
I was painting my house when they called me for the interview, and I came in, and I was talking with my hands.
You had paint on your arm.
I did, and they were like, “Is that paint on your arm?” I was like, “Yes. I was painting my living room just yesterday. I’m sorry.” They were like, “You’re such a person.”
That is authenticity right there. I just want to know how that girl got whatever that perseverance is at that point, or to go in believing that you could do anything, quite honestly, even a job like that.
I credit my parents for this because they were one of those, “Of course you can do whatever you want. Why would you not?” They never doubted me. They always just acted like it was a foregone conclusion. This is innate in me, but you can grow it. I remember one of my first jobs. I was working in this dumpy job, and I wanted more money because I was in high school, and they did gas and all this stuff. I saw an ad in the paper, like the actual newspaper, for a cake decorator. You know I am Martha, so I was all, “Cake decorator, that sounds fun. I want to go do that.” I interviewed for this cake decorator, and it was like a billion dollars.
A lot of money.
I was going to be the cake decorator. I walked in there and interviewed with a woman named Pat. She said, “Have you ever done cakes before?” I was all, “Absolutely.” I did one for a neighbor. I was like, “Yes. I decorated cakes.” She said, “Do you know how to make roses?” I remember thinking, “Yeah, sure do.” I actually said, “Why would I interview for a cake decorator job without knowing how to make roses?”
She goes, “I’ll see you tomorrow for an interview.” I rushed to the craft store, and I bought all the books on cake decorating, and I spent 3 or 4 hours that night learning how to make roses. That is how I got that job. That is, you just do it. You just go in, and you go, “Yeah, I can do that.” When I started my firm, the biggest fear was, “I am not an expert. Who am I to say? Why are people calling me? I am just a ten-year lawyer. I am just this.” You just do it. You just go in, and you go: I’ll learn it. I am smart. I’ll figure it out. I figured it out. I made roses. I went in there and got the job.
You continue to make roses. I feel like that is your career, reinventing yourself or figuring out new skills and new roles. I know that entrepreneurial fear very well. Once you can overcome the self-doubt and quiet those voices, you can really do anything. You’re lucky that your parents instilled that in you.
For me, though, besides just being grateful for that upbringing, my faith is probably the biggest thing that drives me forward. I feel that inside there is a timing. Our lives are very short. In the scheme of the world, we’re not here very long. Every day you have this beautiful gift to have one day to make a difference somehow, in some way. Are you going to waste it?
Our lives are very short. In the scheme of the world, we are not here very long. Every day, you have this beautiful gift to make a difference. Share on XThat is why I do not want to waste any time. If you’re here for a finite period of time, and you’ve been given guardianship over these children, and you have this life and you’ve already nearly died a couple of times, as I said earlier, this might be my last meal thing. I do very much use that earlier, “This would be my last meal.” That’s like live life like it’s the last day. It’s a cliché because if we lived like it were our last day, we would eat chocolate cake all day and go to bed.
There is some moderation in that.
We do need to be mindful of, like, “I am not going to waste this life. If I am in the ground, I cannot say these things. I have to tell them now. I have to do them now. This is the only time. Someday, my books will probably get published, and that will be a different trajectory in my career. I am excited about that. I’ve just finished my memoir, and my agent’s trying to get a feeler out. One of these days, it will launch when it is ready. Part of it, the perseverance, is just having the patience to wait until the right time for whatever it is. Your kids will launch, it will work out. A lot of it is just waiting and trusting that every day that you put in is not a waste of time.
That is a really important perspective for people to process because I do think how busy we are living this life, you can lose sight of that quite often. Especially going through everything you’ve gone through in your life to still come out of it with such a positive outlook and attitude is really just a testament to your goodness. I really just feel so fortunate that I would never have met you if this show did not exist and Cara did not suggest that we connect. These are the moments when I am really just filled with so much gratitude for you just trusting me and sharing your story so deeply.
Keeping Your Home Alive Through Humor
I feel like we could definitely talk a lot more, but I also want to be cognizant of our time together and just wanted to know from your parenting perspective and the impact you’ve had on your children, what of this journey or what stories might be appropriate to share about your kids and how they think and see you? Have they ever shared anything about their experience being your child, knowing that you’re such a badass out there in the world doing all these things? Have they ever shared anything that would help us get a little hopeful for the future as our kids grow into their ages?
Humor is a huge value in our household. I really encourage you to make a light of many things. It is a good release valve. We laugh a lot and make fun of each other. The vibe is very fun. One of the things they say about me is, You’re very extra.” That is what they call me. You go overboard decorating for a party or doing it all. Whatever I do, I do it 100%.
We have a scale that they jokingly call the Amanda Scale, which is if I go 100% Amanda, people are going to be scared. That is a fancy party. That is expensive. 100% is expensive. Whenever I throw a birthday party for them or whatever, we talk about what percentage of Amanda you want here. When my daughter was an early teen and in that phase, “I think you’re going to scare my friends because I do not really know how you are.”
They would say, “I need you to only go 25%, Amanda, on this one.” I was like, “25%? What is that?” “Pizza and soda and walk it off.” She is like, “Exactly. That is what I need from you.” I was all, “okay.” Guess what? That is what I did. I did not push myself. I was like, “You really want a Pinterest-worthy?” No, she wanted me to go 25%. I was like, “Got it. Pizza, soda. I am going to sit in the other room and do my thing.”
Other times she would say, “Mom, for this graduation party, I want like 80% of Amanda.” I am excited. We jokingly have scales. Every event, everything, always, “How much Amanda do you want?” My kids have agency. If they do not want that, their needs matter to me. They can say, “I do not want you to do that.” I am like, “I have to honor that.” That’s a joking thing that we do.
Again, going back to the level of communication and intentionality behind that Amanda Scale, and I am really proud of you for doing the pizza because those are moments when I have small deaths of like, “Ah.” It is also respecting who they are and what they want to become in the process. Because we do, there’s an extra mom desire when you’re not with them all the time. A birthday is a big deal. That is my chance to show my kids how much they mean to me. If they only want 25% of me, you have got to respect that. I am impressed. I am writing that one down.
Write it down, 25% Carrie.
Why You Should Learn To Forgive Yourself
Any other tips for the Motherhood Academy? If you had to create a curriculum, what else should we include?
I would tell you guys to forgive yourself. I mean, we all make mistakes. Moms make mistakes. We yell. We raise our voice. You have got to forgive yourself and say, “yeah, that was hard. That was a bad day, or I made a wrong decision, but I am going to own it.” I am going to wake up the next morning with the reset button because you really have to do it.
You have to say to yourself, “I screwed up, I admitted it, I should not have yelled at my kid, and I feel bad about it, and I am not going to keep making those mistakes. I am going to see what turned it, work on it, and tomorrow’s a new day.” Your kids are forgiving, they really are. One little slip-up is not going to ruin their life. You are not doing it every day. You did not forget them at school all the time, or whatever it is will pass.
Kids are forgiving. One little slip-up as a parent will not ruin their life. You just have to forgive yourself. Share on XYou just have to forgive yourself. They’re pretty forgiving, too. The other day, I was late picking up my son, and he was like, “No, I thought practice was at 5:15.” “I’m sorry, I thought it was 5:30.” Like, “Deal.” It’s not the end of the world. They get over things. You just have to work and adjust, but forgive yourself when you screw up, because we all do. Really, just wake up every day with intentionality. That is really the kicker. Just be intentional with everything you do.
Thank you so much for joining us.
You’re welcome.
I appreciate many of the very amazing pieces of advice that you shared with everybody. I cannot wait for your books to come out. We can have you back on just to share more about that. That would be super fun to have a session to learn more about those. Thank you again. I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. Thanks, Amanda.
Bye.
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About Amanda Hill
Amanda Hill is a healthcare attorney with more than 23 years of experience helping doctors move from surviving to thriving. She represents Texas physicians directly and supports doctors nationwide through her Guard My Practice programs, translating complex healthcare law into practical, preventive guidance physicians can actually use.
A few years into her career, Amanda realized she wanted to help doctors before problems arose—not just after. She turned a room in her home into a film studio, creating educational videos that eventually became courses and programs designed to help physicians avoid bad deals, understand key statutes, recognize their value, and negotiate from a position of strength.
Amanda is especially passionate about helping doctors navigate career transitions, including contract negotiation, resignation timing, toxic work environments, and finding clarity and confidence in moments of change. She has helped hundreds of physicians negotiate stronger contracts, prevent audits and compliance issues, and handle difficult employment situations.
A sought-after speaker and published author, Amanda’s work has appeared in Medical Economics, Medscape, and KevinMD. She is also an amazing mom, thoughtfully juggling the demands of a thriving legal career with motherhood—bringing the same clarity, strength, and heart to her family that she brings to her work. At the core of everything she does is a simple truth: she doesn’t give doctors new skills—she helps them see the power they already have.
