Stacy Bratcher, Senior Vice President and Chief Legal Officer at Cottage Health, has thrived as a leader in healthcare while building a family structure that defies traditional expectations. In this candid conversation, Stacy shares how she and her husband intentionally decided to flip the traditional script, with her prioritizing her high-level career and him taking on the role of primary caregiver. For any working mother who feels the traditional playbook doesn’t fit, Stacy provides invaluable wisdom on managing a high-powered career, gaining calendar flexibility, and supporting the partner carrying the weight at home.
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Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here
The New Playbook: Becoming The Primary Breadwinner And Finding Career Flexibility With Stacy Bratcher
We are so excited because my guest is Stacy Bratcher. She is the Senior Vice President and Chief Legal Officer at Cottage Health, which is a mission-driven healthcare system where leadership directly impacts patient care, organizational culture, and community trust. She has spent her entire career, and it’s been a pleasure to watch her just thrive. She really has done all of this as a leader in healthcare, a very accomplished podcaster as well, and has built a family structure that really defies traditional expectations.
I’m so excited for this conversation. As normal, we’re very candid in this space. This is a trusted space where we really get to talk through what happens when a woman steps into that role that is sometimes typically assigned to dads. She’s serving as the primary breadwinner and taking career as her career as a priority while her husband has taken on some of those traditional mom tasks at home. I really am excited to talk through this with Stacy. She and her husband really set this up, and it comes from a place of knowing what they needed, what she needed.
I also love that we’re going to dive into how she takes care of him knowing the weight that he’s carrying. If you’re a working mom who’s ever felt like that traditional playbook really doesn’t fit your life, I feel that this conversation is for you, and I’m just thrilled to welcome Stacy to the show. Thank you so much for joining us.
Carrie, I am thrilled to be here and a little embarrassed with the big wind-up.
Deciding To Become A Lawyer Based On “The Game Of Life”
Honestly, our paths have intersected along the way and I’ve watched you from afar and I’ve heard about you and a couple of years ago, I remember I was had the very good fortune of sitting next to you at a very random professional meeting and it was just such an exciting opportunity to get to know you and to even watch your path more closely. I just know how busy you are and especially grateful that you’ve taken the time to be here. I just thank you again in advance. I want to start off because rumor has it that you decided to be a lawyer or an interest in being a lawyer while you were playing a game. I would love you to share a little more about that.
This is not a good on-campus interview answer by the way when people ask you why you decide to be a lawyer. I grew up very middle class in St. Louis, Missouri. My dad was a Teamster. He worked at Anheuser-Busch, big brewery making beer. We had one car for a long time and I would ride to work with him early in the morning as a little kid.
My mom went to school at night to become an architect and she became an architect when I was, I don’t know, 10 or 11 years old. I didn’t have an experience of a family structure that had lawyers in it, but we did play a lot of board games and the Game of Life was one that we played quite frequently. If the game you go around the board and go through these different phases of life and one of those is picking a career.
The careers all had teacher, doctor, whatever the different ones were and doctor was the one that made the most money. Doctor was $100,000. That’s what I remember as a little kid. I remember also being scared of blood and touching people and all that stuff. The next one, the next best compensated role was a lawyer and that was $70,000. I was like, “That’s what I’m going to do.” That’s not how you open a strong on-campus interview. Note to self.
Maybe you do, though. I think it’s authentic and I think what I’m curious about tying into our discussion is when you were playing that game, at what point did you load in the kids? There’s a car that you pile them on. When did you think that was going to happen? Was that part of your vision?
It was never part of the vision actually. I was always very career-oriented. I don’t know why that is, but I always thought I never was connected. I played with dolls whatever traditional upbringing, but never really thought dreamed of being a mom or having kids. It might have happened on the board and actually the new game, you actually at the end when you settle up you do better the more kids you have in your car, which is so opposite to the actual Game of Life.
I think we should probably reach out to the manufacturer because that might not be a good depiction, it’s not an actual reality. The interesting thing that I think about that image of you playing this game and deciding that you want to be a lawyer. I sit with you now, you are the Chief Legal Officer of a billion-dollar business, essentially. When you look back and you think about that little girl deciding “$70,000, that’s the way to go.” Is there any retrospective ideas, thoughts, advice that you would give her as you were going to plow through the next couple of decades to have the career you do now, knowing that you were thinking “The lawyer’s a great fit?” What has the path looked like?
I’m sure this happens to you. A lot of people, their kid wants to go to law school or you meet somebody who just graduated college and they’ve got these big eyes about going to law school and being a lawyer and for a long time, I would say like, “Don’t do it. Why do you want to do that?” the career comes with a lot of friction.
From the moment you take the LSAT, it is hard. You’ve got to take a class and then you’re like beat yourself up, I didn’t get that great of a score. I took the LSAT three times. One of the times I walked out, by the way, because I didn’t want my score to get averaged. It is just a real uphill. It is tough sledding both ways. If I was talking to that little girl, I’ll say, “Look at things other than money.”
I hate to say this about my parents but it was a house of no. “Can I get that?” “No.” “Can we go here?” “No.” it wasn’t because they didn’t want to give us a good time and take us to fancy restaurants, it was that they had limited means. I, very early on, considered money to be a pathway to freedom and to being a house of yes. I think I might have over-leveraged my career ambitions around money.
How has that played out even with how you’ve approached this with your kids? You have had a lucrative career as much as it’s as impressive intellectually as what you’ve done. Has that idea changed in your parenting style?
I try to give them context around money. You and I are somewhat similar in our stature whatever and we’re able to do things for our kids that our parents couldn’t do for us. I really struggle with that like do I have to stay at a Red Roof Inn just to show them how life’s not great? I can afford to stay at a nicer place. I try to frame the things we do and it is a real conscious, deliberate effort to let them know that this is not how everybody lives.
I think that there’s a lesson in it also of showing the hard work, diligence, effort that it takes. It didn’t just show up by magic.
I’ve got to say that I really struggle with because there were a lot of salad days. Even in my first law firm job, which by the way I made more than $70,000, thank the Lord. I still had law school loans. It wasn’t like it was lush at that time. It’s still not lush now actually. Life is expensive and so I wish that they had been part of the journey to see some of the struggle.
I remember we had when we moved to LA because the law school thing was expensive and we had credit card debt. We had worked really hard to pay that off. We were going to get a housekeeper after we got our credit card. That was our like our goal. “We’re going to pay off our credit card so we can get a housekeeper.” We finally do that I think it took a year or so and then we did our taxes and we had a huge $5,000 tax bill, which at the time was a ton of money and I was just so defeated because I wanted that housekeeper. The IRS doesn’t really let you have a good payment plan.
Those moments though and the stress points for them. Even I think now that our children are older and getting more into being able aware and communicative about the struggle because I think that is a risk of coming from this place where you wanted to be able to say yes. My kids know I get up at 4.30 in the morning. That’s because I need to work in order to make sure I do all the other things but then that’s part of my sacrifice. That’s why you can get a surfboard on a Wednesday. Those are the kinds of things that I think when we talk about them, it’s a helpful balancing so that they have awareness, humility, and a knowledge that not everyone is able to do these things as well.
I also frame that like when they say, “Well why can’t you do this? Why can’t you come here? Why can’t you leave?” I said, “Well do you like to eat? You eat really well. Do you like to go on vacation? Do you like to play sports? All these things. That does not just show up.”
Establishing An Intentional, Non-Traditional Family Structure
I think that’s really important. I love how that transparency is so important for them that I know you’ve built and been very intentional about setting up. I do want to go back to when you decided to have a family, whether or not you were being genuine you played Life or not and you actually said, “Okay fine.” how you set that up and in the intentionality behind it, I would love for you to share with the readers what that looked like because I do think it sets you apart and I was a little jealous when you explained it to me the first time.
I think the context of me being somebody who did not have motherhood and having kids as a driving force. It was not a goal like I wasn’t driven and I really am in awe of people who have a fertility journey. It’s so hard. It can be so hard. I am very cognizant that we were very lucky that we did not have struggles. Having that context, I didn’t feel like I was going to be defined if I didn’t have kids.
I think that gave me a little more perspective. When you want something so bad, you’re willing to do anything for it. I was more practical like, “I only want to do this if it fits into my life a certain way.” when we decided that we might want to have a family, it was like New Year’s Day because goals. My husband and I were out at dinner and I said, “Listen, if we’re going to do this, I am not going to stop working.”
When you want something so badly, you’re willing to do anything for it. Share on XHe was a teacher or he was in production at the time. He wasn’t on the Game of Life board. We were not going to be living in a major city with a teacher’s salary and me as a stay-at-home mom. When I said, “My mom was home with us for a long time,” that was really important to me to have a parent a parent that was in the home doing all the things. That was valuable to me growing up and so I said, “Listen, if we’re going to do this, then I need you to step into that primary caregiver role.”
We talked about what that would mean. We talked about what it meant from finance. We talked about what it meant for him, would it be fulfilling for him. I said, “I don’t want to do this if you’re going to feel like you’re giving something up.” we were really very intentional about it. When you have a kid, it’s a permanent commitment.
It’s forever. I don’t care what they say.
I just feel like, “Never mind. I’m going to I’m going to change.”
“This is too hard.”
It has worked out very well for us. I wanted to go in eyes wide open about that.
It’s refreshing to have that level of authenticity at the outset and most of us, me included, I fumbled through that and didn’t really think it through and didn’t also anticipate it. Even though I had a lot of people around me that had children, I didn’t see how hard it was. I think you had a good mapping on.
Let me tell you, I asked a lot of people. I always would ask, “Are you glad you had kids?” there were a few people who told me, “If I had it to do over again, I don’t know if I would.” I really appreciated that. I didn’t really say this but in addition to me being very career-oriented I’m very self-centered. I like to do what I like to do. Freedom is probably one of my top values and so as you know, when you have kids, you don’t have freedom. You are at the behest of their needs. There’s a pain point there.
How have you balanced that though? That’s a special trick.
It’s a work in progress. It really is. You mentioned my podcast, The Legal Department. Please check it out.
Awesome. Please, it’s the best. I can tell you it’s my favorite, but yes.
I spend time on that. I spend time reading and writing. What I do is in the mornings, so I work out a few days a week and then the days that I don’t, I get up early and I have a few hours that I do me. I do things I want to do. I will tell you, those people the little ones that live here and even the big one that lives here, will try to encroach on that. It is a rage bait for me. As soon as that happens, I’m like, “I’m sorry. This is my time. You need to get out.” I try to devote some time to me. It’s a struggle. The word balance is a triggering word for me and for others, but you are making trade-offs all the time. My daughter has a basketball game so I’m leaving work early but I got up early and did some work. You’re just shuffling to do what.
Anticipating that. It’s on us to make sure that we get the work done in order to be present. There’s a lot that goes into that mentally, honestly. I think even having your carve-out time, that doesn’t seem like a selfish move. It seems like an opportunity to restore and rejuvenate so that you can do all the other things. Showing your kids that also is incredibly valuable because I definitely was raised by a mom who was a self-sacrificer.
She never tended to needs and she has a tendency to look at us, our generation, with a little bit of a cocked look of like, “What are you doing? You don’t you don’t get to go to the gym, you don’t get to get your nails done,” and muscle through. That has really been a shift in how I show up because of that. I think it’s really healthy to show your daughters like, “Look, this is what I need.” really shoeing them away is probably a good approach.
Good on you to overcome. The parent expectation that your mom, that’s not easy to go counter to that.
No, it’s a tricky one. Even at this age, as you mentioned, parenting’s forever. She’s in her 80s and still telling me what she thinks, so it’s probably why I’m a lawyer in some ways because having to defend and explain my choices, I guess, is part of the dynamic. I’m stronger for it. Those are the things that we carry. Our observations and even like why I became a lawyer, wanting my own financial security not being dependent those sorts of things drive these choices that affect you for your whole life.
I think it’s really interesting that your story started so simply and has a very clear visual of that little girl in St. Louis and here you are now, so I think it’s so impressive. Another place that when we chatted I was really impressed with is knowing that your husband is has the weight of a lot of the things that can be exhausting. I have a fantasy about what this looks like for you that might not be totally accurate like you don’t sign permission slips, you don’t go on field trips, you don’t do the bake sale, all the things.
I always say I’m a man from the ’50s. Friday, I texted, “I’d love to have a skinny spicy margarita,” and it was there.
Anticipating And Supporting The Primary Caregiver’s Needs
This is amazing. It’s also a call to action because one of the questions we chatted about was how do you look out for him? Knowing that that’s a big laboring oar and that you’ve set it up for success, what are the ways that it you make it work in the partnership when your husband has those traditional roles?
First of all, I’d love to hear from him to see if he thinks I’m doing a good job of this. Actually the question, I really appreciated it because it’s a reminder to do better and to have that at the forefront. As with many men, my husband’s not a big talker and so it can be difficult to extract what the needs are. I am the opposite. I say I pitch underhand. You are going to know exactly what I want, what I need like that spicy skinny margarita. I asked for it.
He is not that way and so what I find I need to do is to anticipate. We’ve been together 30 years so I know him pretty but I’ll ask him, he plays golf, “Do you have a tee time? Have you talked to so-and-so lately? Why don’t you guys get together? Why don’t you plan a boys’ trip?” this is interesting because I think he really respects my professional calendar a lot.
He doesn’t think to ask me, “Can you pick up or can you do this?” just even yesterday, I was out of the office for a meeting and I was able to come home early and pick somebody up and he was like, “You have no idea how helpful that is.” I was like, “You can just let me know if there are pain points in the week where you need help and we can solve that.” Anyway, you have to be a little bit of a Jedi.
I do want to pause there because even regardless of who it is that’s doing the pickups, because in our family it’s me, that act of saying, “I can grab this day,” even if it’s self-started by my husband, it is like the stars go off and there’s fireworks. It is so appreciated because it is an overwhelming dynamic to junk all the juggling. I think that’s so awesome because I think people even myself, I tend not to ask and assume that no one else can do it. If the other person can, it’s pretty powerful.
I try to encourage it. It’s a him issue but I do think it’s broader with many caregivers. To not think to ask and all I say I’m Ward Cleaver man of the ’50s, don’t do anything but work. I am here to catch. I’m going to go off on a tangent here. I hear from a lot of women, “I can’t try that leadership role because I have to have flexibility or I have to have this.”
I don’t think people realize that the higher you are in an organization, the more flexibility you may have. Totally. I feel like I have a lot of authority around my calendar and so if I need to go pick somebody up at 3.30 or get to a game or do whatever, if that’s really what we need to do as a family, I’ll figure it out. I really want people to think of their calendar as something that they own.
No, that’s such that point it’s worth repeating because I do think that there is a huge hesitation about moving and accelerating your career because of that strain. I agree with you. I think that the higher you up you get, you do gain more control over your schedule and the ability to do your work when it works best for the most part. There are exceptions but I feel like neither one of us, you’re definitely more in the space of having more emergencies than I am but even those can be worked around. I do think that’s a really important thing to for people to hear.
I think just having some ownership of your calendar. Thinking about your it’s your time instead of thinking like, “I’ve got to be of total service between 8:00 and 5:00,” or whatever those hours are. As somebody who manages people, I am not paying for time. This is not a fast-food restaurant that I need the cash register covered for these shifts. I need the value that the people provide and so if they need to go to a band performance or the Girl Scout cookie sale or whatever it is, okay.
I know that people are professional and they’re going to get their work done. I want really want people to think of their calendar as something that they own. I have a particular friend who this is a common refrain like, “I can’t. I like my balance. I like being able to do this and that.” I just feel like there’s missed opportunity.
I think and there’s a fear factor, I think, associated with some of that to not take that risk. You have to be organized to manage it though.
For sure, but isn’t that a lawyer characteristic?
For sure, I’m just saying that I think being that dialed in. You have to be dialed in to make it work.
You have to be dialed in.
I don’t think it’s hard. It’s not hard for me.
Who better than lawyers to be dialed in?
That’s one of the things. I feel like you have so much wisdom yourself. Are you on 83 podcasts with The Legal Department? Is that the number we’re at? It’s amazing.
It’s going to be 90 soon, but yeah.
I remember sitting with you before it launched. You’ve done a tremendous service, one, in getting such good information out. Even within our own firm, I forward those things and say it’s like mandatory listen. It’s got to be really interesting to talk to those people at such high levels and success rates. I’m sure some of them are parents. Did they relay any organizational tips or tricks that come to mind that you could share? I feel like that’s such a body of- of wisdom.
Honestly, Carrie, maybe this is something I should be asking people is about how they navigate all the demands. I haven’t really explored because I try to make the content really universal. The Legal Department focuses on a particular topic as opposed to career journey let me learn about you. I do appreciate that that’s maybe another part of the conversation we should be having. How are you doing these things?
They’re so successful. It’s impressive because even some of the guests have so many different things they’re up to.
I think lawyers are super curious. I think most of us, we’re lifelong learners. You’re conditioned in law school to want to read and learn and do stuff. Yeah, I think that’s part of our breed.
Children As A Mirror And The Value Of Emotional Intelligence
I do want to focus in on looking at your career when children came on the scene and I know you’ve dialed it in with your husband. I’m sure there’s been bumps along the way, but it looks smooth sailing from here. When you look at your- your children and you interact with them, did they relay any nuggets about what it’s like to be the child of a successful lawyer mom?
It’s funny. One of the things that is like a rose and a thorn of parenting is that children are a mirror. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it’s like, “Am I really like that?” My older one in particular is really like in a spooky way obsessed about goals. She’s very into goal setting which I don’t have my Goal Getter thing here, but I am really into goals as well. I’m trying to think what grade this was. Maybe third or fourth grade, my daughter made like for Mother’s Day one of those things about how great your mom is.
Fill in the blank.
Yeah, it was a fill in the blank but it was like a magazine cover with my picture on it and then it was like, “My mom works really hard. I like my mom,” or “I’m proud of my mom because she works really hard.” it was like they just see it. As I said, I don’t know that they think I’m that fun. When I do all my podcasting stuff which I think of as really fun, like I talked about that morning time and I do it on the weekends too and they’re like, “Well, mom’s got to work.” I’m like, “It’s not work. I’m loving this.”
No, it’s so true and it’s our version of fun. We’re being fun for us. I also just pay for the fun. We pay for the fun. That’s a lot but we do our best. I think the other thing that I think we chatted about was the gift of emotional intelligence that you’re giving to your kids by the nature of who you are on the planet but also them watching you and navigating your career. Is there anything that stands out as far as like that assurance that you’re on the right path with that?
I always say like parenting, you don’t know if you did it well until the very end.
You don’t know if you’ve done parenting well until the very end. Share on XMaybe not even then, but yeah.
Again, to that point of them being a mirror, I’ll hear them say things like I say. One of the things I do and I’m actually giving myself a bigger pat on the back. I’m just going to share this because it lights me up. I can’t even believe this is my life. My teenage daughter, which is like it’s a wild animal we’re scared of. She said to me, “Yeah, my friend and I were talking yesterday about how much we love our moms and I was just so excited to hang out with you today.”
You win. You won the parenting game.
Anyway, that’s not about emotional intelligence.
It actually is. It’s actually a lot about emotional intelligence because I’m just going to be honest, looking back on my own life, I’m sure I never said that. I adore my mom, but we had a fear factor situation. I think that’s where this is a little bit different, when your roles are different and when you’re fulfilled different. I do want to I know we could probably talk for four hours but I want to make sure I give this opportunity to share looking back at that fulfillment. What does it look like for you and what is giving you the most fulfillment on the journey of being a mom and a lawyer?
What I personally get out of the parenting is the relationship with my children. Back to my teenage daughter, we were having a conversation when she was like twelve. When they’re little, you’re really close. You’re playing Barbies and you’re doing crafts and all the things and I said, “I really like hanging out with you and I love our relationship and I want to let you know I’m just a little nervous about when you get a little older, there can be just some tension between teen moms and their daughters.” she said, “Mom, just because you had a hard relationship with your mom doesn’t mean we have to.”
Going back to emotional intelligence, I’m giving that a 10 out of 10.
I have like a little tear thinking about it. I think one thing I’ve done well is to have conversations with them about their feelings, about what I’m feeling and just being very transparent about things I’m nervous about. I heard an NPR podcast. The comment was that apologies are really effective with children. The host said, “I don’t think I’ve ever apologized to my kids.” I thought, “That is not cool.”
Think about losing your temper or being late to pick them up or letting them down. Sometimes you let them down. How do you not acknowledge that and show them that when you do disappoint somebody or don’t live up to something, an expectation, you apologize for that. I do think that I’ve done a pretty good job with that.
That’s huge. I feel like I apologize every five minutes. It’s going to be messy but I think that obviously you’re winning.
To go through those teenage daughter who wants to hang out with her mom. Stacy Bratcher for the win.
Stacy Bratcher for the win from jumping on the show, knowing you are one of the busiest women that I do know and I really think the readers are going to absolutely enjoy learning from you. Thank you for taking the time.
Thank you for inviting me, Carrie. Let’s give you some flowers here. You are super busy. You’re holding it up at home. I know you have a book coming out. Doing a show is not an easy thing. I know we all make it look easy.
You make it look way too easy. I’m still learning.
You’ve got a professional studio there.
It’s been a journey. No, I appreciate that so much. Thank you again for joining and I just want to close out just to thank Stacy for jumping on the show. She is obviously an absolute gem and she is winning the Mothers-in-Law award of the year having a teenage daughter want to hang out with her. I am so grateful for all the wisdom you shared and I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Thanks for joining.
Thanks for having me, Carrie. Good to see you.
You too.
Important Links
About Stacy Bratcher
Stacy Bratcher is a seasoned healthcare executive and legal leader currently serving as Chief Legal Officer at Cottage Health, a California-based nonprofit health system. With deep expertise in healthcare law, compliance, and governance, Stacy has built a career navigating complex regulatory environments while helping mission-driven organizations deliver high-quality patient care.
Before joining Cottage Health, Stacy held executive roles in healthcare and higher education, where she was known for as a strategic problem solver, collaborative leader, and ability to translate legal risk into practical, business-focused solutions. She is passionate about developing teams and is the creator and host of “The Legal Department,” a professional development podcast for lawyers.
Outside of her professional role, Stacy is a dedicated mom of two girls and leans heavily on her supportive husband to keep all the plates spinning. She brings a thoughtful and honest perspective to the realities of working motherhood, including the constant juggle and the importance of resilience and support systems along the way.
